Five Weird Things: Arkansas

Welcome to Five Weird Things. This is a new weekly segment to Good Bull Hunting where we'll will look into some (specifically 5) odd or interesting things about the Aggies' next opponent, the state they're from, or individual players/coaches from said team. Or anything else we can think of It should be a fun ride this season, so let's take a fun walk on the weird side together. Shall we?

5. Pronounce Arkansas Correctly - Or Else

Yes, mispronouncing the name of The Natural State is strictly prohibited by law according to some website I found. While I can't find any evidence of a specific punishment for the crime or anyone having been arrested for violating this law (probably because it's bullshit), I'm told by the pathological liar in my head that offenders are forced to listen to Jen Bielema explain the concept of Karma for no fewer than 72 consecutive hours through the "Defensive State Name Pronunciation" online classes. I am now compelled to make a few of you break this law through the art of (terrible) poetry:

*puts on circular sunglasses and beret, begins to play light bongos over smooth bass line*

I went on vacation
To the beach in Port Aransas. 
Met a girl with 5 teeth,
Said she's from Arkansas.

*takes smug sip from giant cappuccino*
*drags off Natural American Spirit* 
*basks in approving snaps from the crowd*

4. Arkansas is French For "Bird Stealing Hillbillies"

Quick! What's the state bird of Texas? That's right! It's the Mockingbird. What's the state bird of Arkansas? Yeah, it's the Mockingbird. Their Mockingbirds are mocking our Mockingbirds making them double plagiarist obnoxiously vocal avians who we all want to riddle with BB's from our bedroom window, but are prohibited by law from doing so. Sure, both states adopted the bird as their official winged creature in 1927, but because "Tex" comes first in "Texarkana," I'm of the opinion that Arkansas just followed suit like the no good, poopy-pants copycats that they are.

3. A&M Blanked The Hogs 5 Straight Times

Sure, Arkansas may have the leg up in the overall series with a record of 41-27-3, but from 1939-1943 Arkansas couldn't score a point on the Wrecking Crew of old. Over this 5 year period, the Aggies flogged Arkansas with a combined score of 105-0, the largest margin of victory coming in 1942 when the Ags slapped the Hogs with a 41-0 schalacking. Why Aggies never lobbied to have this streak immortalized on the old Wall of Accomplishments, I'll never know. There's also that little note of the Aggies being 3-0 against Arky since joining the SEC in 2012. If we're honest with ourselves, one shutout for our defense would thrill us. Shutting out the same team five times in a row would be downright weird in a great way.

2. Dibs on the Second Floor

If you happen to be on a road trip and find yourself wandering about Pope County Arkansas, check out the ghost town of Booger Hollow. Some fine people bought the attraction in 2007 and, in an incredibly cunning business move, shut the whole thing down. It's worth a visit, however, because it's home to the famed Booger Hollow Double Decker Outhouse, bringing new meaning to the term "Upper Decker." Yes, if you're looking to add some much needed glam to your kickass Instagram account, you can pose in any variety of wacky selfies in front of the only two story outhouse I ever care to hear about. This has to be the origin of the term "raining shit," unless you happened to park under a tree in College Station.

1. Second Karma Reference

Methinks Jen may have mistaken on which side of the Karmic bitch-slap the Bielema clan resides, because the back of the hand sure does seem to be striking the sweet spot in Fayetteville these last two weeks. After the win vs UTEP, the College Football world was shocked to see that the Hogs went for 308 in the air. We all were well aware of the mutant offensive line in Fayetteville and the running game to which these creatures play catalyst, but passing?

Well, take it one week further and the Hogs managed a paltry 108 on the ground against TOLEDO in a loss against a team from the mighty MAC. Then our old muse Kliff Kingsbury took his Red Raiders to Arkansas and kicked Bret's ass. That's two home losses in a row against MAC and Big 12 teams, with a neutral field game in which the Razorbacks are 0-3 since 2012. I'll keep repeating that because it doesn't get old. I state this point, not to rub it in Arkansas fans' faces, but to remind us all that college football is weird. An Aggie victory on Saturday would firmly plant Karma's foot in the collective ass of Fayetteville, and might put Bielema's on a seat hotter than his non-stick on date night.