Hey! Football time is soon. Good stuff. It's time for all of us to get to know the players that we'll be supporting and
cursing sternly encouraging over the next four or so months. The goal of this column is to give you relevant facts about each of your potential 2015 starters so that you can know them on a more intimate level.
This is a significant (some would call it courageous) undertaking for me as I have a very short attention span. But I promise to do 20+ starters even if i end up doing three today and like 23 the day before the Arizona State game (punters, holders, and kickers are people too).
We're gonna do this in numerical order so we don't show favoritism. (Also I don't know why I'm saying we, but whatever.) Feel free to share your own relevant facts about the players in the comments. Let's get this thing started!
#1 DE'VANTE HARRIS
WEIGHT: More than last year so stop asking him about it
EXPERIENCE: 4 year starter
TWITTER HANDLE: @GhostBoysENT
STRENGTHS: Energy, enthusiasm, very good cover corner (four year starter!) who will thrive in a more aggressive offense, has a nice smile, interacts well on Twitter. Is by all accounts a good son and a good brother as well. Overall nice guy. I am president of his fan club so please contact me for membership information.
WEAKNESSES: Decided not to wear gold cleats a couple of years ago. Made us discard the "if you ain't gold, you ain't cold" tagline
PROJECTED STATISTICS: 175 tackles per game. At least 14 interceptions. Will bait 3 receivers into personal foul penalties due to his exceptional trash talking and will make at least 1 (probably from Vandy) cry. Will not lead the team in tackles because Otaro Alaka is going to tackle everyone (thanks man!)
RELEVANT SOCIAL MEDIA ITEM: So many to choose from but I'm going to go with this one for everyone who says he's not physical enough
pic.twitter.com/vo2WkTlHs6 Lol, y'all gone vine a brother when I get stiff armed thohh. Where da love on this one? Lmaoo— De'Vante Harris (@GhostBoysENT) July 17, 2014
#2 DEVANTE "SPEEDY" NOIL
HEIGHT: 17.75 Hands
EXPERIENCE: Started last year at WR and punt returner. Made my heart go into my throat a few times because I still have awful memories of punts being muffed. Was a 5 start talent out of high school
TWITTER HANDLE: @speedy_noil
STRENGTHS: Can do everything. Returns punts. Is fearless. Makes catches that defy physics. Has great hands. Has only played WR for like two years so man his ceiling is through the roof (what). Is very good at football. Has a great vertical. Does a good job of blocking.
WEAKNESSES: Is trying something new with his hair right now
PROJECTED STATISTICS: Will catch everything thrown his way. Will also block his ass off without getting those stupid block in the back penalties. Will single handedly cause that vein in Brett Bielema's forehead to rapidly expand through a game winning over the shoulder upside down one handed catch to seal a 40 point victory.
RELEVANT SOCIAL MEDIA ITEM: Just a fantastic save from what could have been an embarrassing celebration gaffe.
#3 CHRISTIAN KIRK
(might be the worst picture i've ever seen of him tbh)
POSITION: Wide Receiver
WEIGHT: 200 (but he carries his 200 way better than I carry mine)
EXPERIENCE: True freshman/early enrolee, but was a consensus 5 star out of high school so combined that's gotta be worth at least a year right?
TWITTER HANDLE: @ChristianDavon2
STRENGTHS: Do-everything WR. Can possibly even line up in the backfield and run a few plays for us. Is from Arizona so is used to the heat (despite it being a dry heat out there). Ran a 4.47 40 at The Opening. Made a 3.7 GPR his first semester at A&M as a Business Major so is way smarter and better at life than I was as a freshman.
WEAKNESSES: Is too perfect and hasn't given us enough effort to unnecessarily complain about.
PROJECTED STATISTICS: Will catch everything that Speedy doesn't. Will line up in the backfield as a RB and take a reverse 80 yards for a touchdown. All American Freshman Year, followed by an All American Sophomore/Junior year followed by him leaving us for the NFL because everything you love will eventually leave you. At least three jumping chest bumps with new WR coach Aaron Moorehead (heh)
RELEVANT SOCIAL MEDIA ITEM: This video might elevate your heart rate a bit because he's very good at football.
Ok! That's it for today. Enjoy this new information and use the comments below to share interesting facts you may know about these players. Remember to keep it positive because while you sit on your ass in your office reading this drivel they're working out in 106 degree weather to make themselves better for your enjoyment.
Tune in next time (not sure when that will be because this was kind of exhausting) for the next iteration of GET TO KNOW A STARTER!