The RompHim: Summer Attire for the Discerning SEC Coach

Oxford. A crisp, autumn morning. The sun blazing through the dark green foliage and a buzz carpeting the trampled grass of the grove. The people await you. And in this clever, utilitarian leisure suit you do not disappoint. Boat party up top and tanning factory below. Best of both worlds. Be cool. Enjoy this one lasting gift from Bo Wallace, complete with a surprise in the pocket.

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Demure, yet sporty. Casual and daring at once. Sure, we're talking about Auburn football, but also about this dynamic onesie that Gus just can't get enough of. The sweatervest attachment is authentic Merino wool because moisture-wicking technology is not what the Auburn Family is all about.

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Will Muschamp's clothing needs are more complex than you might realize. He disdains the restraining feeling of buttons on a shirt, secretly yearning for the freedom one might gain by ripping the front of a shirt open. Yet at the same time he craves the secure, testicle-cupping constriction provided by tight coaching shorts. His dream garment has at last reached the market.

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Bert is in love with this daring denim man-suit. A sucker for versatility and durability, he can go straight from gardening in the morning, to four-wheeler riding in the afternoon, to hot football practice, straight to a pool party in the evening, all without changing his outfit! To wash, he simply jumps in the pool, wriggles out of it, and hangs it to dry on the clothesline overnight, awaiting the next day's adventures.

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It's vital to get the creases just right. No. NO, Bruno, don't over-iron that left leg. And check the collar starch. I don't want to look like a 1920s banker in this thing. Don't want it to look like a wadded-up parachute either. The houndstooth strip must align perfectly with the contours of my body or it’s worthless. Christ. How many times to I have to wear this before reporters stop asking me about it? Roll Tide.

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DACOACHO LUV ROMPHIM. MADE MAH OAN OUDDA GATA SKIN AND POSSUM SINEW BACK IN '85. WORE IT SIX YEAR STRAIGHT. VINNIGE CLOTHIN'. WEATHA REZISTINT. MUSTY SMELL BUT YOU GEDDA YEWS TO IT. WEAR IT CROOTIN DOWN IN PLAQUEMINES, DEY LOVITT. CAZSHEWUL AN BIDNESS ALL ROLL UP IN ONE PACKIGE. COME UPWIF DUZIGN AFTA COUPLE COLE MONSTAHS EH.

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“Back home we got a taxidermy man. He gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him!”

Yep. We’re gonna need a bigger RompHim.

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Learn more about RompHim here.