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OH FOR THE LOVE OF PETE

You have hired DINO BABERS

YOU WERE THE LAST REMAINING ATHLETIC PROGRAM ON EARTH THAT HAD NOT HIRED BABERS, SO APPARENTLY IT WAS YOUR TURN. NO ONE TAUGHT YOU THAT A PERSON'S RESUME SHOULD NOT SPAN MORE PAGES THAN YEARS. YOUR DECLARATION THAT "WHAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR BOWLING GREEN IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR US" HAS PROMPTED THE CHANCELLOR TO HAVE YOU COMMITTED FOR PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION. NO YOU MAY NOT SPEAK TO YOUR FAMILY. THEY HAVE ALREADY MOVED ON AND YOUR SPOUSE IS CURRENTLY DATING YOUR PERSONAL TRAINER.

PLEASE CONSIDER NOT CLICKING THIS LINK AND INSTEAD GIVING UP BECAUSE YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT THIS.