Let's just be honest up front: it has been a tough couple of days for all of us.
The whole social media age is providing a little too much light into the dark recesses of recruiting, plus, based on a quick perusal of twitter outside of recruiting websites, it appears Kyler Murray’s destination has been decided.
Getting Kyler Murray to BAYLOR texts. Seriously?— Dell (@DB_Out_Front) January 26, 2015
Since we are a happy people, let us look at the best possible scenario that could unfold over the next week.
BEST CASE SCENARIO:
Wednesday, January 28th:
In a decision most nonpartisan observers deem "about a century too late", Ole Miss is stripped of its accredited status and immediately rebranded as a junior college. While most of the student body shrugs and continues their planning for the Tri Delt mixer, Damarkus Lodge surprises observers by recommitting to A&M.
Thursday, January 29th:
Fresh off an in-home visit the night before with Kevin Sumlin and John Chavis, Daylon Mack can’t wait any longer to declare where he will be spending the next four years.
Follow your boi on Instagram!!! MackD5— THEE MACK TRUCK (@DaylonMack) November 16, 2014
On Instagram. Also, he chooses A&M.
Later that night, Charles Omenihu takes to Twitter and tearfully confesses that poetry is his first love. "I’ll be taking my. Talents to pentameter. Strong is high and dry. #Haiku"
Friday, January 30th:
Committing This Friday Jan 30th with @kris23db EVERYBODY STAY TUNED— HOLTON HILL (@Hollywood__5) January 27, 2015
Continuing the momentum gained with the Lodge and Mack re-commitments, the dynamic cornerback duo of Kris Boyd and Holton Hill pledge to A&M, immediately shoring up a position of need.
Seeing the secondary talent flock to College Station, Kendall Sheffield decides to cast his lot with the Aggies as well, flipping his commitment from Alabama. In an unrelated story with absolutely zero shady dynamics, Nick Saban hires Rex Ryan away from the Bills to be a junior video coordinator.
Fresh off a rather spirited game of Connect Four, the Murray family heads to Olive Garden, forgetting Charlie Strong is on his way over for an in-home visit.
Saturday, January 31st:
Sensing the momentum headed out of Austin, Du’Vonta Lampkin flips from Texas back to Oklahoma.
Jalen Jones scores 46 points in a blowout victory over Vanderbilt at Reed Arena and dedicates it to Malik Jefferson in his post-game press conference.
That's a beautiful number pic.twitter.com/OFfllPQlSQ— Malik Jefferson 4⃣6⃣ (@Official_MalikJ) January 24, 2015
"I made a poor choice out of high school as well" Jones is quoted as saying. "Had to transfer here to really get a chance to flourish. I’m sure Malik will understand when he's here in 2 years."
Sunday, February 1st:
Celebrating the 40th birthday of Georgia Native Big Boi, Roquan Smith, a highly recruited linebacker out of Macon County, shocks recruiting pundits and pledges to A&M.
Unsubstantiated reports have ‘Shutterbug’ blasting from the Bright Complex on repeat for the next 24 hours. Mainly because it’s a freaking jam.
Monday, February 2nd.
With 48 hours left to National Signing Day, running back Kendall Bussey continues the Aggie’s string of good fortune with a late commitment to A&M after leaving Tennessee. Good friend Kirk Merritt decides that the Brazos Valley is too picturesque to pass up, and casts his lot with Jake Spavital and the A&M offense.
Tuesday, February 3rd:
Kevin Sumlin fires a career-best 76 at Miramont. Caught after the round by Brent Zwerneman, Sumlin can only allude in vagaries to Wednesday morning. "It should go well" the A&M head coach says with a smirk. "And please stop hiding in my golf bag."
Wednesday, February 4th:
Kyler Murray enters Allen High School, and sits down at a table. He pulls out an A&M hat, a Longhorn hat, and an Oregon hat because he is 17, and drama is oxygen. He steadily looks each and every person in the eye, wondering in the back of his mind if they're following him yet on Instagram.
Flashing his winning smile at the camera, he displays a manila envelope from under the table. "Inside of here is a Major League Baseball contract that Scott Boras and the Yankees illegally offered me 6 months ago. I have already testified in federal court, and both entities will be suspended from competition for a decade."
Chaos ensues, and is only broken by a five minute standing ovation. After calm is restored, Murray continues by pulling a silver-plated A&M lighter from his pocket.
"Coach Sherrill gave this lighter to my dad because he thought it had monetary value, but my pops knew better. He’s kept it for all of these years, and gave it to me when I decided where I was going to school earlier this week. Gig ‘Em Aggieland."
To mass pandemonium, Kyler flings the Oregon hat off the table, lights the Longhorn cap on fire, and announces he will take questions "when, and only when my coach Kevin Sumlin deems it appropriate." He then calmly walks off stage while maroon flowers float to the ground and Chip Brown furiously deletes his sent tweets.
WORST CASE SCENARIO:
Daylon Mack refreshes TexAgs, pulls up Orangebloods, decides both schools are batshit crazy, and commits to TCU. Holton Hill and Kris Boyd decide to head to Austin. Kyler Murray shocks the world and declares his love for all things orange, delivering Damarkus Lodge to the Longhorns in the process.
Kevin Sumlin stares at his quarterback depth chart while Three Dog Night’s ‘One is the loneliest number’ softly plays in the background.
It’s a long, dark two months to spring practice in Worst Case World. May it never be.