Daily Bull 03.30.16 - Well Endowed

IT'S LIKE FOLLOWING PHISH BUT ENJOYABLE The Aggie baseball team celebrated their #1 ranking by absently pummeling Houston last night to the tune of 7-2. Their distraction is understandable with an upcoming series with #2 Florida in Gainesville starting Friday. If you were any sort of baseball fan at all you would skip class, quit your job, sever ties with your family, and start a band of wandering baseball gypsies in order to make it to the games this weekend.

FETCH MY MORAL VICTORY BELT Researchers shocked no one in determining that Texas is one of the wealthiest schools in the country according to endowment, but the Horns are mere peasants when faced with the enormity of our bounty. Finally we can afford the finer things in life like 10' hot dogs, Italian marble luxury boxes, and one a them fish what sings Rodney Carrington songs.

I WIN FOR ME. FOR ME! Dallas Mavericks owner and presumed Soviet sympathizer Mark Cuban has decided to have Texas A&M architecture students design his team's new practice facilities, because the best way to learn the lessons of bad design is to be surrounded by them on a daily basis for years. No need to pay for the fancy, 3D artist renderings, Mr. Cuban. We already know what this practice facility will look like:

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG Our friends at The Mugdown are cordially inviting you to come to a little show they are putting on. Come for the student theater, stay for the brutal aftermath of a musical about the Corps Of Cadets put on by the most controversial scamps on campus! Please remember that dress is business casual, so pair your table-leg-coated-in-broken-glass with a nice pair of flat-front slacks and remember that the shoes make the man.

LEGALIZE TEXAS 2016 Hey, Texans are all about the success of a free market economy, plus this is the perfect cross-promotional opportunity for Blue Bell to finally bounce back from that whole uncontrollable, deadly diarrhea thing.

Americans are buying more legal pot than Oreos, Girl Scout cookies, and Pringles combined https://t.co/1sh1BO42yX pic.twitter.com/QyRWQdfXMa

— Vox (@voxdotcom) March 30, 2016