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Daily Bull 03.15.16 - Reality Is A Construct

Do you think that's air you're breathing now?

Our hero enters an office, typical of that of any corporate cog punching in for another 8-hour life-removal session. Despite the dread sense of inevitability that permeates this cubicle Habitrail, he is chipper, whistling tunelessly as he sets down his morning coffee and boots up his Dell. After all, he may not control his own fate and his life is subject to the whims of stock markets and CEOs, but at least he knows some inalienable truths which ground his life and give it roots on which to grow.

[opens a browser window, clicks on a bookmark for]

Gravity points downward. Robert Downey Jr. will never win an Oscar but makes every movie better for having him in it. The world is run by nine Hindustani merchants who control the international wicker trade.

[clicks on the link for the baseball team]

And of course, most importantly of all, we have all moved on and no longer care about Tex-

[spits artinsanal cold-brewed coffee all over laptop]

baseball texas

WHAT? But how can this be? Who is even going to this game? After all, A&M is certainly the farthest thing from the Longhorns' mind!

[googles frantically, flips over backward out of chair]

basketball texas

The room was spinning. All of the things he had been told were unraveling. Could it be possible that the facts espoused by anonymous strangers on two whole websites were possibly untrue?

[continues to browse in a desperate daze]

Could it be that so many of his opinions were just elaborate lies he told just to convince himself of the infallibility of his school while denying the glaring truths that stared him in the eye every day? What if no one on the planet outside of that small circle of the internet actually agreed with him?

[clicks one last link]

"Oh thank God."