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Daily Bull 09.08.15

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"You people work by generating clicks, right?"

"Yeah."

"Big mistake. HUGE."

Like watching lions stalk a gazelle on the nature channel.
Like watching lions stalk a gazelle on the nature channel.
Thomas B. Shea-USA TODAY Sports

IN ORDER TO QUALIFY FOR THE HEISMAN YOU MUST BE HUMAN It's still early enough in the season to say completely unreasonable things with the 'it's early in the season' caveat. Like this: I realize it's early in the season and a lot of things could happen between now and then, but I think Cardale Jones will declare that his 'work here is done' and then leave our planet only to return in a time of great need.

SPEAKING OF IT'S EARLY IN THE SEASON Listen, if an n of zero was enough to project bowls before the season started, then projections after week one can't possibly be any less wrong, right? More importantly, the Aggies jumped onto Spencer Hall's list of indeterminate length of things that he likes in football for reasons of his own choosing.

OH GOD THEY'RE GONNA BRING BACK THE WRECKING CREW YELL There are some actual tangible awards that can be granted after only one week, namely the SEC Player of the Week awards. A&M pulled in two of them this week as the rest of the conference watched our game with their heads cocked slightly, trying to comprehend the words "A&M" and "defense" not being followed by the word "laughable".

JUST REMEMBER, NO KISSING A number of sportswriters have realized that an easy paycheck comes from dedicating every piece to pleasuring a particular fan base. None have been so dedicated as Clay Travis, who returns with the ultimate tantric angle - superiority to the Longhorns. The Aggies are Richard Gere and Clay is Julia Roberts and I think in this scenario Baylor is George Castanza.

POLL POSITION

For those of you who enjoy keeping track of such things, that is the same number of teams as the entire Big XII.