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AGGIES TO BE DENIED ADMISSION TO UT-A&M FOOTBALL GAME

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"I don't care." - Texas A&M Former Students (This article is not true. People will believe it despite these words.)

Sources within the Texas A&M University Athletic Department have confirmed that they are working with the University Of Texas to renew the now non-conference Lone Star Showdown. While specific dates have not been announced, the indication is that the series may resume as soon as the 2018 season.

With the resurrection of the home-and-home football series, A&M will now face the monumental challenge of filling the stands for the matchup.

"The vast majority of Former Students in the Aggie Network have confirmed time and time again on Facebook and TexAgs that they do not care about Texas anymore and have moved on," says Texas A&M Senior Marketing Strategist Chet Norsworth. "Texas A&M prides itself on presenting a game day atmosphere that is second to none, so we will need to find a way to get enthusiastic fans into the stands."

In order to avoid a lethargic crowd at Kyle Field when the series resumes in 2018, officials at Texas A&M have already begun scouring Facebook profiles and Twitter accounts to compile a list of Former Students who will be denied admission to the game. The "Ag Tag" system - by which a TexAgs.com username is linked directly to the Association Of Former Students - has also been a great help in this effort.

"Season ticket packages will be offered at a reduced rate and will not include a ticket for this game in seasons where the Longhorns come to College Station," says Norsworth. "A&M-UT tickets will be available as a separate purchase, pending confirmation that the buyer has not indicated on social media or internet boards that they 'are over it', 'have moved on', or 'don't see any reason to do them a favor'. This way only people who care about one of the greatest football rivalries of all time will be in attendance. We just hope we can find enough of them."

Adding to the monumental task of filling the now renovated Kyle Field's 102,000 seats is the fact that all current students will be denied tickets.

"We were informed by several current students that the active student body has not been around for the rivalry and so sees no reason to care about it," explains Norsworth.

The announcement has been met with tepid response from Aggies across the country. As GigEm247.com user BreakawayBQWhoop03 posted, "good i dont even care about tu anymore anyway I hope they die a slow death in the BDF playin doucheass [sic] teams like iowa state lol ill be watching Fox business and cheering for my favorite stocks."

It remains to be seen just how many seats will be available when the official dates are announced. A&M has already mentioned the possibility of offering a larger allotment of visitor seats, as well as potentially sending tickets to be sold to students at Baylor, Houston, LSU, or "anywhere that people think there is intrinsic value to enjoying great football."

When asked if Aggies who had been denied tickets could still watch the games on television, officials responded that "they could almost certainly find something better on the amazing SEC Network and it's not like anyone could even watch the LHN if they wanted to. Lol."