SEC Media Days 2015: Day 2 Recap

The second day of this grim spectacle is over. Dozens of sports media types are frantically typing up ledes and spell-checking "Obioha". Paul Finebaum is being carefully packed in styrofoam forms in his crate to avoid damage to his delicate exterior polymer construction.

Let's talk about the talking.

SOUTH CAROLINA GAMECOCKS HEAD COACH STEVE SPURRIER

"Can Steve Spurrier turn things around at South Carolina to save his job, or will he be forced into early retirement?"

There, I have saved you the trouble of reading any article written about Spurrier at SECMD. The fiesty OBC deflected the questions with his usual panache, never flinching and never pulling a punch. Of course someone asked him about the lowering of the Confederate flag because it's his favorite talking point, and of course he reiterated his enthusiastic support for that decision.

Someday Steve Spurrier will retire, and all of college football will be worse for it. When he does, I hope that he goes on tour just taking the stage and talking about whatever pops into his head. I would pay more to watch that than most concerts I go to.

WHAT HE SAID

We were 7-6, same as Tennessee and same as Arkansas, and I think they're sort of celebrating big seasons last year. So we were celebrating also.

WHAT WE WISH HE SAID

Steve Spurrier always says exactly what we wish he would. Always.

TEXAS A&M AGGIES HEAD COACH KEVIN SUMLIN

Howdy ma'am, Kevin Sumlin here for A&M's House Of Discount Sophomores! Got a problem with freshmen all over the program? Want to replace them with seniors but just can't afford the time? Well, you're in luck! i'm here to show you how a team composed entirely of sophomores is actually better than a group of veterans! And you have my personal guarantee that you won't not be not loving your team, lickity-split!

Sumlin sold the media on the plausible idea that Texas A&M is on its way up instead of down because the youth that plagued the Aggies last year is now a bunch of salty sophomores. He also deflected a relentless onslaught of subtle and less subtle questions from Louisiana lawyers disguised as media members about the John Chavis hiring process. Acting on his best, least combative behavior at the supposed request of his wife, Sumlin still owned the room from the moment he walked in.

It's hard not to be excited about any team coached by this man.

(For the skinny on the fat guys he brought with him, read this)

WHAT HE SAID

Q: Did you kinda take the mindset, if we can't beat LSU and John Chavis, I'll go hire him away?

A: I didn't kinda, that's exactly what I did. There's really nothing more to the answer than that. That's true.

WHAT WE WISH HE SAID

On a related note, I'm sad to announce that Reville IX was eaten by our new mascot Mike. The queen is dead, long live the king.

MISSISSIPPI STATE BULLDOGS HEAD COACH DAN MULLEN

Used bible salesman and dadbod model Dan Mullen took the podium this afternoon on the tail end of a fascinating, whirlwind season. He currently sports the consensus top returning QB in the SEC. He is charming and refreshingly honest with his responses.

And dull.

Admittedly, a morning of Spurrier and Sumlin is a tough act to follow. After frankly acknowledging the difficulty of the SEC West, talking about some big wins and rough losses, and dodging a Mississippi/Confederate flag question like a ninja, we were left with little of interest to discuss about a team who played in a top 3 rivalry matchup just a few months ago.

Dak Prescott is seriously good though.

WHAT HE SAID

I try to be swagged up in footwear. I've got a little sock game going today too. You know what, I was talking to the guys at Adidas, like, hey, this is the hottest shoe. I'm like, well, I'd like to wear kind of cool shoes, I think, when I go somewhere.

WHAT WE WISH HE SAID

Now Dak, come get over here we're trying to take a family picture. Don't you roll your eyes at me, I may not be "cool" but I'm still your dad. I paid for this trip and we're gonna take the dang picture! Oh great, now your mother is crying.

TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS HEAD COACH BUTCH JONES

Butch Jones was in the rare position of performing as well as or better than expected. The Vols appear to have the program trending upward, and more than several media personalities have them pegged as a dark horse to win the SEC East. Jones rode the fine line of stoking the enthusiasm of his team's fans while hedging his bets in case they don't quite live up to a growing amount of hype.

WHAT HE SAID

I think a lot of it is the byproduct by the way in which we ended the season, going 4-1 and having our first bowl victory since 2008, and obviously our recent recruiting classes. Now I want to make one thing clear: contrary to reports, there were no backflips and there were no somersaults.

WHAT WE WISH HE SAID

Y'all wanna watch me do a cartwheel though? I totally haven't tried this since high school though so you can't laugh. Seriously Bob Holt, no laughing.

GENERIC COACHSPEAK OF THE DAY

We don't have a starter going into preseason practice. He may go out there with the first bunch, but it's pretty much wide open. If [REDACTED] is the best, and he easily could be, he'll be the starter. We believe in letting every player earn it and go from there.