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Daily Bull 12.16.15 - The Rumor Mill

#Industry. #Grind.

By Chuck GBH
Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

I have spent thousands of dollars rebuilding an engine that is still sitting in my garage (not in a car) years later. At one point I was helplessly trapped in an abusive XM Satellite Radio spend/cancel cycle. I have even uttered the words "one ticket for Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The Movie, please".

The point is there are lots of silly ways to waste your money, and so long as you are not making yourself or your family destitute doing it then there is no reason to judge for it. This is America, and in America if you want shoes with lights in them or garden gnomes made to look like the cast of Friends then by God you will have them.

One popular fritterance is to shell out for insider info on your favorite college football team. In return for that small portion of your liquid assets - the kind that can be used for food and shelter and novelty hats - you gain exclusive access to conjecture, hypothesis, and fever dreams that you can use to scry the future of your most favorite program and it's arc.

Alternatively, here at GBH you can literally dive into and swim around in our rumors and drivel like Scrooge McDuck in 'me bullshit bin'. And all of this comes free with your standard subscription to Good Bull Hunting Platinum. Yes, for the daunting sum of $0.00 per month you can learn that not only did Kevin Sumlin meet with Kyler Murray yesterday, but he almost certainly did so to:

  • confirm the show time so they could watch the new Star Wars together
  • allow Kevin Murray to push his new line of window treatments on Sumlin
  • trademark "Kylest Football" for the eventuality of Kyler's son playing at A&M in 2040
  • allow Steve Spurrier to laugh in both their faces at the same time so he could still catch twilight hours at Traditions
  • let Kyler vent that all of Spavital's play call signals were Game of Thrones spoilers and he's only on season two dammit
  • talk about the football team, because one of them is on the football team and the other one coaches the football team
  • create drama so they could laugh at silly bitches
These are all just as likely to be true as anything else you heard or read, though they do lack the punch of information that you had to spend your paycheck on. In the future if you would like the feeling that only paying money to hear guesses provides, please send large stacks of U.S. currency to GBH headquarters. If you match my current salary I promise to quit my job in order to look earnestly into your eyes while I make things up.

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