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Betting On The Aggies

If you never thought gambling was wrong, you will.

By Chuck GBH
Scott Halleran

College football fans all have two things in common: eternal optimism about their stupid team that is stupid, and stubborn pride that forces them to put their spiritual money where their big fat mouth is.

Like it or not, our Ags have been losing lately. It is probable that they will continue to do so a number of times this season. In these dark times we asked our readers to tell us about bad bets they made and the punishment they endured. Any idiot can lose money on a game.  It takes a truly committed idiot to lose something vastly more entertaining. Let's laugh at our shared misery.

In truth the answers did not come flooding in quite like I hoped they would. I can only assume that this means one of four things:

  1. Aggies are exhibiting a caution brought on by a decade and a half of well learned lessons (this makes no sense).
  2. Aggies have in no way felt confident about their team in the past few years (hahahahahahaha).
  3. Aggies are by their nature a timid bunch and/or not degenerate gamblers (eh, possible I suppose).
  4. You guys are holding out on me (winner).

The responses I did receive could generally be broken into a few categories below.

The T Shirt Fan

The overwhelming majority of you engaged in some form of this:

You know when you get a new job and you spend the first day just sitting in HR filling out paperwork? They hand you about 50 different forms for you to sign assuring everyone that you will not be a drunk, a lunatic, a felon, or a creeper. Most people don't realize that one of those forms is the standard agreement that you will engage in the shirt bet with your coworkers until one of you dies or retires. This bet is a requirement of being employed in the modern workforce. I think it's an OSHA regulation.

The Singing Hellegram

It might not always involve actual singing, but this classic type of bet features public humiliation, ideally in front of a crowd of people who haven't the slightest idea what's going on. I like to imagine that Kathryn works for a law office or high-powered stock broker, and this was done on top of a large conference room table in a room lined with leather-bound books.  And there she was just a-rootin' and a-tootin' in front of their looks of confusion and dismay.

It's college football, Harvard.  Of course you don't get it.

The Sad Hack

Bear your shame online where no one can see you cry.

BWhee is appropriately chill about the slap-on-the-wrist he received for Johnny's college career opener.

As of press time at least four different 24 hour news networks are reporting that Bufourone Tamutwoone is currently on a plane flying from Sierra Leone to your living room.

The Existential Long Con

Sometimes a losing bet is weird and sad and goes on for years.

The... Miscellaneous

Somehow this is actually the saddest bet I've ever heard.

And The Award For Worst Best Bet Ever

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