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GBH WATCHLIST: WEEK 3

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Here's what we're doing in front of the TV this weekend during college football. (Don't be scared to read on.) thacktor's sitting this one out this week as he's currently teleporting through the time-space continuum in search of the perfect SMU football coach.

I TELL YOU WHAT GUYS YOU GUYS SURE KNOW HOW TO WATCH FOOTBALL WHOA
I TELL YOU WHAT GUYS YOU GUYS SURE KNOW HOW TO WATCH FOOTBALL WHOA
Kirby Lee-US PRESSWIRE

Dr. Norris Camacho

WHAT I'M WATCHING

La Tech at North Texas 7:00 Thursday, CBSSN

Why I'm Watching

TRANSITIVITY: one team got blown out by OU, and the other by Texas. The team that got blown out by Texas blew out SMU. I think that means we're better than Texas or something. Plus these two are usually just fun to watch. The movie "Necessary Roughness" was filmed at UNT. Paul Blake is my favorite movie QB of all time.

What I'm Consuming

Corn Nuts and football twitter.

East Carolina at Virginia Tech 11:00 Saturday, ESPN

Why I'm Watching

ECU put up a fight against South Carolina and Tech is fresh off a huge upset in The Horseshoe. This is typically when VT shits the bed and loses 13-10 or something, but it's always interesting to see how they react.

What I'm Consuming

Tacos of my own devising

Texas vs. UCLA (Arlington) 7:00 Saturday, FOX and FOX Deportes

Why I'm Watching

You know why. Plus it will be fun to check in on the Spanish broadcast from time to time. This game also offers the courtesy of being over by 8:00 so that I can just flip over to our game.

What I'm Consuming

Schadenfreude laced with the tiniest bit of guilt at first, but then that guilt goes away pretty fast. And some iced tea or something.

Hypno-Toad

WHAT I'M WATCHING

Arkansas @ Texas Tech | 2:30 PM Saturday | abc

Why I'm Watching

The most intriguing game of the week - I thought Arkansas would be the favorite but Vegas seems to know something I don't.  In the first two weeks Tech allowed an FCS team and UTEP to take them to the fourth quarter before dispatching them.  Arkansas enjoyed a nice slump-busting smackdown last week over Nicholls State, matching our 73 points scored.  I want to know if this is a team to worry about.

How I'm Watching

With the same abiding hatred of Texas Tech that was created with my only visit in '99 and was tempered by the fire of their assholetry (TM) for years into the Valyrian steel of loathing.

What I'm Consuming

Boar sausage on a tortilla.

Minnesota @ TCU | 3 PM Saturday | FS1

Why I'm Watching

Morbid curiousity.  The B1G is about 10 non-con losses from just scrapping this season entirely and trying again next year.  Meanwhile, the Big XII appears to be OU, Baylor, and the also-rans but I really just want to find out which teams I will get to laugh at the Longhorns for losing to.

How I'm Watching

Wearing purple because I love Mrs. Toad and I would like her to continue to tolerate my bullshit.

What I'm Consuming

Whatever Casey Pachall can get me on short notice.

Penn State @ Rutgers | 7 PM Saturday | BTN

Why I'm Watching

The PSU fan base should be peaking right now after the NCAA pointed at Ray Rice, said "OH MY GOD WHAT'S THAT?!", then snuck in a repeal of all of the sanctions on PSU while the country's back was turned.  It will be fun to watch the commentators try to discuss this without using the words 'bullshit', 'farce', and 'Mark Emmert is a monument to impotence and irrelevance'.

How I'm Watching

In a complex blend of disinterest and disgust.  Behind the storylines is still the fact that this is B1G football, so I assume I'll also be watching YouTube videos of animals peeing on things.

What I'm Consuming

Bile probably.

doug.keegan

Baylor @ Buffalo | 7PM Friday | ESPN

Why I'm Watching

Snuff film fetish. Sure, Baylor is a 35+ point favorite, but it's nevertheless a college football type substance. And damnit, Art Briles' offense, when clicking, is fun to watch. (So much sexier than Charlie Strong's, am I right, recruits?) Then there's the built in comedy of the defending Big XII Champions going on the road to play a Friday night game in Buffalo. Yes, that Buffalo. As in "stone's throw from Canada".

How I'm Watching

As lazily as possible. Friday nights in the fall are for R&R before long game days in Aggieland.

What I'm Consuming

Obscene quantities of Coke Zero, my vice. Damn you A&M and your Pepsi contract!

UCF @ Mizzou | 11AM Saturday | SECN

Why I'm Watching

More SEC addiction. Mizzou's final score against Toledo last week was impressive, but the defense still looked iffy. Nevertheless Maty Mauk makes for entertaining football. All respect to our beloved Kenny Trill, but Mauk may be the best QB in the ESS EEE SEE. On the other sideline, UCF - last seen losing a heartbreaker to PSU in the emerald isles - is no slouch and I'm hoping George O'Leary drops a few tips for my LinkedIn profile at halftime.

How I'm Watching

Parked in a camping chair at a tailgate, unwinding from the drive in to town and basking in the glory of temperatures that are not-in-the-90s.

What I'm Consuming

Snackapalooza. Any and all bite-sized edibles with varied combinations of carbs, sugars, and cheeses are fair game.

Georgia @ South Carolina | 2:30PM Saturday | CBS

Why I'm Watching

Intense desire to be serenaded by the adrenaline-pumping SEC on CBS theme and the sweet chortles of Uncle Verne. The intense desire to punch Gary Danielson tells me it's real. Also seeking any evidence that Todd Gurley is from this solar system. Will be pulling for South Carolina, as should you. A good showing here would make us feel even better about our Aggie Footballers.

How I'm Watching

Sociably. Milling about on the northeastern outskirts of Reed Arena, never far from the television or a cooler.

What I'm Consuming

Nothing within moseying distance is off limits, but with an 8pm kickoff, pacing is essential. Remember that, kids.

oscarwildecat

Houston @ BYU | 8pm Thursday | ESPN

Tony Levine's Cougars got off to a rough start, getting pantsed by UTSA before bouncing back against an awful Grambling St. squad. BYU has only played lower-conference opponents so far this season, and Houston should be a good jump up in competition.

Drinking: A 3.2% ABV beer in honor of Provo.

Tennessee @ Oklahoma | 7pm | ESPN

In what could make for a fun little lead-in to the A&M game, Butch Jones and his not-quite-ready for primetime players enter the most boring environment in major college football. The Vols skill position talent is full of promise, but the Sooner defense should have a field day with the rebuilt Tennessee oline.

Drinking: A 3.2% ABV beer in honor of Oklahoma.

Nevada @ Arizona | 10pm | Pac 12 Network

Because Brian Polian is quietly coaching his ass off. Because RichRod is fun to root against. And because football season is short, dammit, and I will not be denied my late night Paction.

Drinking: 110 proof small batch, attempting to make up for all that crappy beer.

Lucas Jackson

What I'm Watching

Central Florida at Missouri | 11:00 AM Saturday | SEC Network

Why I'm Watching

Because Missouri loves company!  Actually this is the best of the 11:00 matchups.  Rooting for Missouri to carry the SEC torch.

How I'm Watching

On the couch, like a proper gentleman of leisure.

What I'm Consuming

Orange juice, a Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit, and a Bacon Egg Cheese Taquito from Whataburger.

What I'm Watching

Louisiana Lafayette at Ole Miss | 3:00 PM Saturday | SEC Network

Why I'm Watching

Another interesting barometer for the middle of the SEC.  Mark Hudspeth has built a solid program in Lafayette.  Ole Miss should tread lightly, the Ragin Cajuns SR QB Terrance Broadway is a dual threat veteran who could put a scare into the Rebels.

How I'm Watching

I’ll likely move to the local watering hole, Twisted Root Burger Co. to consume as many games at once with some friends.

What I'm Consuming

The Western Burger, washed down with various Abita beers.

What I'm Watching

Louisiana-Monroe at LSU | 6:00 PM Saturday | ESPNU

Why I'm Watching

Like our esteemed Mr. Toad, it is in the best interests watch the contests of my lady’s alma mater.  I also live in Shreveport, so I must be fluent in LSU football to maintain conversations.  I hail from Northeast Louisiana, and spent my formative years traveling to Pecanland Mall in FUNROE, so I have a soft spot for the Warhawks (despite their incomprehensible mascot choice).

How I'm Watching

Grilling steaks around the pool at a friend’s house, getting geared to watch the Aggies steam Rice at 8 pm on The Deuce.

What I'm Consuming

For some reason, I can’t grill steaks without drinking a domestic beer.  So probably will have a few of these and maybe some basic queso.

James Gardner

What I’m Watching

Iowa at Iowa State | ESPN | 2:30 PM

Why I’m Watching

Slow white dudes playing for something called a CyHawk Trophy and "we’re not the worst Power 5 Conference" pride! Also, these folksy farm folk party their asses off. Someone (maybe a girl) will dilute half their blood in ether and do something memorable even if the football is not.

What I’m Consuming

Cased meats! Is sausage paleo? I’m trying to be fit and hip, you see.

/keeled over walking to fridge

What I’m Watching

Texas vs. UCLA (in Arlington) | FOX | 7 PM

Why I’m Watching

Schadenfreude is a damn drug. I can’t help myself. Texas is trotting out an offense held together with duct tape and Bubble Yum. These fellas WISH they were kicked off the team. Can UT Arlington play?

What I’m Consuming

Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough like a damn child and Topo Chico.

What I’m Watching

Notre Dame vs. Purdue (in Indianapolis) | NBC | 6:30 PM

Why I’m Watching

Good Lord. Make the neutral site shit stop. This week has a pretty raw slate. I’ll watch a rejuvenated ND team do their thing.

What I’m Consuming

Cheese enchiladas? Cheese Enchiladas.