Daily Bull 8.23.16: Quarterback Report Card

HELL, B-MINUS? GET IN THE CAR KIDS WE’RE GOIN’ TO DAIRY QUEEN TO CELEBRATE! ESPN’s been meticulously breaking down all the SEC quarterback situations and awarding them grades accordingly, and yesterday we found out we were just a nudge above average! This is a huge step up from 2014 (A+ at the break but scraped by with a D-minus) and 2015 ("Incomplete—Kevin we REALLY need to talk!!!" with the word REALLY underlined several times oh man so much red ink on that 2015 report card).

THE BIG READ. We’re a few days away from the technical first football game of the 2016 season, so if you want to shore up on your Cal/Hawaii knowledge, or any other team for that matter, head over to the big and beautiful College Football Preview Mag. Bone up on your obscure Aggie opponent facts: does New Mexico State even have enough scholarship linemen to block Myles Garrett? Does UTSA still have that tight end with the badass mullet? It’s all right there, except Prairie View A&M. We’ve already lost that halftime, though. Counting on the football to make up for it.

OH NO FIRE JIM AND SHUT DOWN THE BIG HOUSE. It’s all beginning to unravel up in Ann Arbor as the Wolverines lost two four-star recruits in one day yesterday in the midst of an Ohio State recruiting surge. Maybe this Harbaugh guy isn’t the eccentric wizard everyone thinks he is. Maybe the honeymoon is over. Or MAYBE this doesn’t really matter because pinning your expectations and measurements of a program on high school kids is absurd. Late August is one last window for croots to make a splash by tweeting screenshots of their Notes app, so it’s only natural for them to take advantage. Enjoy September through December: the few months where the actual football takes center stage.

OOOO THAT SMELL... Old Spice is the Official Deodorant And/Or Body Smell Spray Of The NFL...or something. Anyway, there is a new Old Spice Guy in town this year and it is a familiar face indeed.

Keep those endorsements rolling, chicken farmer.