INSIDE THE MACHINE: DAY 1
OK TAP THE BRAEKS A BIT. Everyone wants to compare coaches to Spurrier at Media Days. It’s a requirement for journos to assign labels to people, and the Head Ball Coach, being the most unique individual in the sport, is of course their favorite subject. But let’s not get crazy here. We are fairly McElwain-neutral here, knowing virtually nothing about him, but he’s certainly not as interesting as SOS, although this is a healthy and respectable start:
BREAKING: Jim McElwain says even his daughter's wedding will not force him to put on socks.— Andy Staples (@Andy_Staples) July 11, 2016
PLAY ‘EM UP, MASON. Vandy head man Derek Mason was out front yesterday too, and immediately pandered to the sportswriting crowd with this keen nugget:
Vandy coach Derek Mason believes "the winds of change are coming."— Joe Rexrode (@joerexrode) July 11, 2016
How do you get hundreds of overeager amateur humorists to start talking about you (and by proxy your middling team)? Drop a hidden Scorpions lyric and let them all make "Rock You Like a Hurricane" references. Well done, Coach.
THEY CAN’T ALL BE WINNERS. Somewhat astonished by the forthright and refreshing light-handedness adopted by his counterparts from the East, Auburn’s Coach Gus bit the bullet for the sanctity of the event and infused a bit of gravitas back into these hallowed proceedings with the kind of overused sprots cliche that not even a teeming room of eager beat writers and columnists could get excited over.
Auburn’s Gus Malzahn why he thinks SEC is the nation’s toughest conference: "You have to bring your lunch every week"— Brett McMurphy (@McMurphyESPN) July 11, 2016
This one’s so unoriginal it’s probably not even on the most predictable of media event toys, the hot and fresh concept of the summer, BINGO CARDS.
OK NOW WHAT
The good news: Kevin Sumlin is up today. The bad news: he’s after Kirby Smart, Dan Mullen, and Butch Jones, so it’s unlikely that anyone will still be awake to see him speak. Kirby Smart is like Muschamp’s more mellow frat brother, Dan Mullen is the grinning glad-hander who’s suddenly run out of players, and Butch Jones is actually a soulless robot programmed with approximately 50 packaged responses designed to cover any situation. He makes Gus Malzahn look like Mike Leach.
Anyway, you’ll watch, and that’s normal human curiosity. Here’s the full schedule from SEC Network. The whole enchilada is on our favorite channel. Bon apetit!