OK NOW WHAT. NBA season is over, after approximately 10.5 months of playoffs, which leaves you with the professional sports options of beisbol or various soccer cups and tournaments. Is it time to unplug the TV and read a book? Do that routine house maintenance you were supposed to do in January? Or perhaps some intuitive self-reflection? Nah, fuck that. Let's kill time on the internet.
AIN’T SWITCHED LETTERS AROUND TO SPELL NONSENSICAL WORDS ABOUT NOBODY PAWWLL. Are you bored? No. You only think you are. Boredom is anagramming the entire SEC and then creating logos for each anagrammed school. And it’s a good, productive boredom because it generates this. Ever tried anagramming "Paul Finebaum?" I have.
CLEBELAN! In SPROTS Cleveland won championship. This is the first time in a million years that Cleveland has won a title. Or something like that. The phrase Cleveland is conditioned in this mind to elicit MS Paint Joan Gruben surveying it from the open cockpit of a prop plane in this fine artwork by Our Fearless Leader.
BRAEKING NEWS FOOTBALL PLAYER HAS ACTUAL PERSONALITY. Did you know that Myles Garrett does poetry and likes dinosaurs? Hey, look. If we’re gonna get beaten over the head with #storylines this year, there are far worse alternatives than the quirky, down-to-earthness of our supermachine defensive end. Hell, let’s embrace it in the hope that it will eclipse the "crumbling house of 5-star QBs" storyline. Make up your own feel-good Myles story! Did you know that he re-created the entire plot of Homer’s Iliad using Legos and Monopoly houses at age 7? Neat! Add your own in the comments.