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GBH Bowl WATCHLIST: the final college football Saturday

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There are four more bowl games to watch today.

the final non-championship bowl will go long into the desert night
the final non-championship bowl will go long into the desert night
Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

How about those New Year's Six bowls, eh? They were all non-compelling blowouts that took place during inopportune times. Not these games. These are on Saturday, the final sacred day, and one more chance for us to watch football for an entire morning, afternoon, and evening.

Saturday, January 2nd
Gator Bowl : Georgia vs. Penn State 11:00 am ESPN / WatchESPN
Liberty Bowl : Arkansas vs. Kansas State 2:20 pm ESPN / WatchESPN
Alamo Bowl : Oregon vs. TCU 5:45 pm ESPN / WatchESPNespn3 Skycam
Cactus Bowl : Arizona State vs. West Virginia 9:15 pm ESPN / WatchESPN

We begin in Jacksonville, Florida, and steadily work ourselves west. That's manifest destiny, everyone.

Gator Bowl

by Rush
Penn State vs. Georgia
11 a.m. | ESPN

This is perhaps the least interesting bowl game of the entire year. It is approximately the 39th bowl played in the state of Florida, it's a morning kickoff, and it features a team that fired its coach after nine wins and a 7-5 team that gave up about six hundred sacks. Both schools play a brand of football that only Gary Danielson and crotchety internet posters get excited over. The saving grace of this game will be the erratic philosophical waxings of Dan Hawkins in the booth and the determined trolling of James Franklin, who managed to beat Georgia in his final season at Vandy and will hope to do so again with a middling B1G team.

Keep this game on in the background and use this time to construct a wonderful sandwich out of leftovers. Look for stuff you can buy with some of those Christmas gift cards.  Do that miscellaneous thing on the Internet you've been meaning to do all week. Just get it done in time for the Liberty Bowl between Arkansas and Kansas State and watch the student try to become the master.

Liberty Bowl

by Jimmy
Arkansas vs. Kansas State
2:20 PM | ESPN

SCENE: New Year's Eve. A truck stop diner. Dodge City, Kansas. The tutor and the protege meet for life instruction.

Coach Snyder: I'm tickled to see you again, Bretholemew. You were one of my most promising students. What a delight that we'll get to face one another in spirited competition in Memphis.

[Coach Snyder delicately reapplies WD-40 to his gums and stirs a Werther's Original into his warm RC Cola]

Coach Bielema: [belches] yeah coach. Hey, coach, some of the freshmen back then said I'd never crush pussy, coach. But, coach, I do crush pussy now. Crush it real good. I'm like a millionaire too, coach.

[Coach Bielema liberally squirts catsup all over his chocolate pie]

Coach Snyder: Yes, yes, son. I'm very proud of the success you've found on and off the field. It didn't always look so promising. When you were a grad assistant, I nearly traded you for a sack of wheat germ down at the A&P. You were going to bag groceries for a vocation.

[Both men put on sunscreen to protect against the bright diner lights]

Coach Bielema: It ain't always cheeseburgers and blow jobs out there, coach. It was real hard when that handsome jerk Kliff Kingsbury beat me and said those mean things.

[Coach Bielema flexes at Tiffani, a Dodge City native]

Coach Snyder: Son, vanity comes before the fall in the Big 12. I've seen it all. I once recruited an entire team of junior college transfers out of Newfoundland. Beat Texas that year. Kingsburies? They fall off the vine and die in the west Texas wind. Shriveled like the tender parts of a mule in August. I'll never die, son. Neither will you. Here, carry this pat of butter in your pocket. Promise not to eat it for it is the lubricant of life. Now, I think we must get to Memphis. Life beckons, and I can hear you getting fatter.

Fin and Scene. Enjoy the Liberty Bowl.

Alamo Bowl

by Rush
Oregon vs. TCU
5:45 p.m.  |  ESPN

By now, you've heard that legendary TCU QB Trevone Boykin is going to miss the bowl game because he was arrested for punching a San Antonio police officer. That's certainly a memorable way to end a prolific college career. San Antonio is an odd destination for those looking to party: it's wildly hyped as a tourist destination, but once you wander away from that string of chain tourist bars on the Riverwalk, there ain't much else interesting going on. No beach. A very spread-out town with a few interesting pockets. Hell, even Ozzy fell victim to the SA Party Malaise.

As a resident, I feel that it's my obligation to point out far more interesting and original ways to get headlines than getting in a fight at Pat O'Brien's:

And people say there's nothing to do here. SMDH.

The Cactus Bowl

by Shooter Flatch
West Virginia vs Arizona State
January 2nd | 9:15 pm CST | ESPN

This last bowl game before the playoff championship next week is sponsored by Motel 6 and played in a baseball stadium in Phoenix.  Pretty glamorous right?  With such a late date, both coaches have had plenty of time to prepare, although in very different ways.

Dana Holgorsen has spent the last 4 days in a sweat lodge in the high desert mountains.  He's been living off of Red Bull and mescaline.  Naked, he emerges from the hut, his skullet glistening in the desert sun.  He's had some amazing visions.  Three offensive lineman, a QB, and 7 wide receivers all running deep vert's.  He calls himself "Raven's Claw" now and has a burning couch tattood'd across his back.

Todd Graham has approached this game in a much different manner.  He's been on tour with Taylor Swift for a solid week performing as a backup singer and dancer. He's told his team he still cares about football, but at practice he's had them just sitting and listening to the 1989 album while he works on his dance moves at the 50 yard line.

This is your last Saturday night college football game for the next 8 months so enjoy this silly game and bet the over.