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We're watching some pretty bad football this week.

Remember the Five
Remember the Five

Welcome to week 3 of college football. At this pace, Notre Dame and BYU are going to play each other in the title game using adaptations of the Wing T that do not require actual quarterbacks. Everything else that happens is just bonus entertainment. Here's last week's picks.

thacktor: Miami 44, FAU 20. The 'Canes took care of their business, sloppily, in the rain.

Chuck: Washington State 37, Rutgers 34. As bad as things are in Pullman, at least their coach isn't suspended. Cougs got to let go of some frustration.

Doug: Notre Dame 34, Virginia 27.

Jimmy Gards: Texas Tech 69, UTEP 20. HARF, GOOD ONE JIMMY.

Dr. Norris Camacho: Sparty beat Oregon 31-28 in a prime time-worthy performance. Nothing weird happened other than a Mark Dantonio half-smile.

The winner of week two's weirdest game is Doug, but Chuck was a close second. The emotional rollercoaster in Charlottesville was mid-season weird.



6:00PM CDT

No shortage of angles to the showdown when the trailer trashy pseudo-rivals from A&M's old conference load up the double wide and head to the Ozarks to visit the trailer trashy pseudo-rivals from A&M's new conference.

Air Raid vs. Power Running. B12 vs. S-E-C S-E-C S-E-C! Kliff "GQ" Kingsbury vs. Bret "Where can I find the buffet and some budget hookers?" Bielema.


Tech is coming in 2-0 after feasting on two cupcakes on the west Texas plains. Arkansas is arriving 1-1 after feasting on one cupcake and then passing out and needing to have its stomach pumped after consuming a little too much MACtion.

Seriously, Arkansas and its vaunted OL mysteriously abandoned the running game last week and put the game on the arm of hey-I'm-a-senior-so-everyone-thinks-I'm-good-even-though-I'm-not QB Brandon Allen. That plan, unsurprisingly, did not work. But with leading WR Keon Hatcher out for the time being, look for the pigs to come to their senses, rediscover the handoff, and steamroll the undersized Red Raider defense.

Kick back and savor the down-market beer that's left in the bottom of your cooler after your tailgate and watch Arkansas cover the 11.5 points.



7:00 PM Saturday, FSN

I'm a proud SMU alum, but let me tell you, I believe in #CJK5H. Nobody's saying he actually did it, but there's no evidence that he DIDN'T do it. And to that end, I celebrate the TCU Cymbal section. This picture was lifted from a TCU friend's facebook account, and I can't find it anywhere else but it's too good not to share:


Now that I've given props, there is almost nothing worse than the newly-empowered TCU fan on social media. Good gravy they're obnoxious. I worked in Ft. Worth for about 4 years and let me tell you this, TCU fans will tell you exactly what is wrong with college football. You don't even have to ask, just wear a shirt with an A&M, SMU, Baylor, UT, or LITERALLY ANY COLLEGE WITH A FOOTBALL TEAM's logo on it and you'll get an ear full. If only these self-righteous defenders of football's honor could find someone on campus to help them chill out.

The battle for the most entitled group of 20-somethings in the DFW Metroplex should be spectacular, and we can only hope that SMU wins so that, finally, TCU fans will shut the hell up and Matt Davis can get his glory. Go Ponies, dammit.


6:30 PM Saturday, SECN

Let's set the mood.

Top Gun was #1 in the box office. The nation watched as the space shuttle Challenger was destroyed mid-flight. People joined Hands Across America for reasons that were unclear at the time and less clear later on. Bill Buckner made the most famous error in the history of Major League Baseball. Jim McMahon and William "Refrigerator" Perry shuffled their way to a victory in Super Bowl XX.

Those are some things that happened in 1986. That was also the last year that Kentucky beat Florida in football.

I got a good feeling about this one.

Dr. Norris Camacho

7 PM Saturday, BTN

This game is filler. It is tasty, carb-laden, starchy filler. If these two schools were to create their perfect sandwich it would contain thick slices of white bread, french fries in the middle, and would be battered and deep-fried in thick, sweetened cornmeal. This is the game that you know is bad but you devour anyway because you don't give a damn at the moment and you're feeling hungry and adventurous. This game is a come-down drug after four hours on the road coming home from Kyle Field. It's the food coma before the tastier cuts of Ole Miss/Alabama and BYU/UCLA later on.

Pitt lost their best player possibly for the entire year in the first game of the season and that is really a shame because he is a monster. Iowa is off to a good start and their fans are somehow happy and have no idea what to do about it. There's something satisfying about watching a complete football game that is over in 2.5 hours or roughly two and one-third quarters of an A&M-Auburn show. On paper this looks like a cruise of a 27-13 win for Iowa but hahahah there is also something called a KIRK FERENTZ so watch this sucker go to triple OT with 115 combined points. It's a far-out concept, but so is a sandwich with french fries in it.