Howdy, gang. Sorry for the lull in mailbag responses but we've been watching six-hour baseball games and readying ourselves for summer by filling up the pool with melted ice chest ice to ensure maximum coolness. We're ready to roll now, so grab your shades and boomboxes and throw us your best questions.
1. Today, news broke that Panama City Beach will ban liquor on their beaches in Spring Break 2016 and beyond. This surprises me, as Spring Break depravity at PCB began loosely around 372 BC and hasn't slowed down. Why start the ban now? Are college kids getting more rowdy? Or are the #olds getting more sensitive.
thacktor: I think it's a combination of both. Back in the day, people just brought six packs of beer and a flask to go take a few tugs on the beach. Also, the drinking age used to be 18, so it wasn't as big of a deal. Now, kids have to trick up their drinking with a fucking ice luge, plastic funnel, vodka tampons, eyeballing, goldfishing, handstanding, moonwalking, sand shooting, and whatever else you're doing. I think my generation is to blame for this because we saw all the college party movies growing up and had to try and one up them. Now you go to a party and have some guy named Chet hand you a plastic wine bag full of pure acid and tonic asking you to "slap the bag" after chugging enough to send you on a 5 year vision quest. After all of that you're supposed to behave on a beach? I don't think so. Come to think of it, I think it's the olds.
Rush: This is all Dak Prescott's fault, and by extension, Dan Mullen. Somehow.
Chuck: I am not more sensitive, you jackanapes.
Jimmy: Bans are just opportunities for whimsy and secrecy! Do you have any idea how fun Prohibition was? Chuck will tell you. It was BLISS. Know what's a great chaser to homemade, rotgut liquor? That's right - the euphoria of breaking some tightass law. Here's the deal though. The beach bro culture must be curtailed. These dicks are ruining it for everyone. Be a gentleman and drink your Cutty Sark on the beach in cutoff suit pants - the kind AC/DC wears.
2. If Greg D writes a Yelp review and no one is around to read it, is Mad Taco still the best taco shop in B/CS?
thacktor: I have no idea if Mad Taco or Fuego are any good. To those establishments: Send me free food and I'll write a review under Greg D's name. Also, I'd like Greg D to start a blog about his favorite nuts. Guess what it'll be called?
Rush: If you want to flout a taco opinion in this town, it damn well better be sanctioned by Greg D.
Chuck: No one had ever read a Greg D. review three months ago.
3. Where do you guys fall on sit peeing? As a full grown 28 year old man I just don't see why you wouldn't sit pee. Standing makes no sense to me. When you sit you can relax, take a minute to scroll thru twitter away from your family, you don't have to worry about missing or clean up. It's a no brainer!!! (I'm speaking of at home only where I know my toilets get cleaned every other Tuesday)
thacktor: My stance? Pee how you pee, dude. If you're really worried about other people's opinion of you based upon your preferred urination technique, there isn't enough money available for the therapy you need. If you're curious, I go about 65/35 stand/sit ratio. That first pee of the day? It's a sitter. I'm way too tired to worry about aiming and I'm not spending the first few moments of my day using wadded TP to mop up my mistake. That's just juvenile. Sit to pee if you want, unless your balls have developed to the point where you're making tea in the toilet water. Don't soak your balls, gents. That's not hygenic.
Rush: I'm for it. I recently had a catheter so piss off with your judgement, Internet.
Chuck: I sit to pee when I a) am too drunk, b) am exhausted, or c) don't have my contacts in (accuracy counts). In my house those three items cover a good 30% of the time. In my office or elsewhere they are less often.
Jimmy: A real man stands when he shits.
4. Do you think we will ever see university rules changed to require student consent before major changes (seal, tuition, etc)?
thacktor: Require student consent? What, you think you own the trademark? Listen, the sooner you all stop being attached to a logo or design the better off your sanity will be. It's literally just a seal. They didn't take the Aggie spirit away from you. They didn't take away your memories. They just changed the fucking seal. Who gives a damn if the seal is old, has the block T on it, is beveled, or has a stick figure with a raging erection on it? The school and the people are what matters. My ring still says Texas A&M on it. We still have the Aggie Spirit. That's all I really care about.
Rush: 50 cent laugh.gif
Chuck: The university is far less concerned with your opinions on #branding than they are with the contents of your bank account.
Jimmy: Universities don't need students.
5. Who is the more badass: Kirk, Picard, or Sisko?
thacktor: I can't choose between Kirk and Picard. Mostly because I haven't watched enough Star Trek to be informed.
Rush: Christian Kirk's high school highlights are impressive but I'll give the nod to Sisko here because Thong Song is an all-time classic
Chuck: Picard. What's more badass than growing up on a winery and playing the flute?
Jimmy: Sisqo's "Thong Song"
6. 1. I just found out I'll be going to the Vanderbilt game in November. Can you contact Anchor of Gold and have them do a Munch Madness for Nashville? I want to eat only the best food when I get down there.
thacktor: Do you have Twitter? Because you can ask them, you know? It's not like all the SB Nation bloggers live in this giant house where we're all fucking around all day sharing ideas. We got jobs, dude. Listen to yourself. "Can you do this thing for me because I only want to eat the best food." How damn entitled are you?That being said, here are some steps to make your experience much more pleasurable to your super refined pallette. 1. Download Yelp. 2. Enter your location. 3. Read Greg D's reviews of establishments in Nashville. 4. Ignore those and get drunk. 5. Everything you eat will be delicious.
Rush: I tried contacting the Vanderbilt blog once but their butler was very condescending.
Chuck: Do you believe that Munch Madness determined the best food in College Station?
Jimmy: Lifehack: Nashville has Waffle House(s)
Keep the questions coming to email@example.com. If we haven't gotten to yours yet, don't worry: we will. It's a long, hot, uneventful summer and all we've got on our side is time.