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William Shakepseare on the NFL Draft

We now join live in studio Jon Gruden, Mel Kiper, and Bill Shakespeare

Mel: Hello and welcome back to the NFL Draft. My Big Board is primed and ready to go. What do you say, Jon?

Jon: I tell ya guys. I'm EXCITED. This is what it's all about. Got our special guest here. I call him Takespeare 'cuz he's gonna tell us what we need to know.


When I consider every thing that grows

Holds in perfection but a little moment,

That this huge stage presenteth nought but shows

Whereon the stars in secret influence comment;

When I perceive that men as plants increase,

Cheered and checked even by the self-same sky,

Vaunt in their youthful sap, at height decrease,

And wear their brave state out of memory;

Then the conceit of this inconstant stay

Sets you most rich in youth before my sight,

Where wasteful Time debateth with decay

Mel: Okay. Settle down there. Let's get to it. First up: Jameis Winston, QB FSU. Big risk. Questionable work habits. Whaddya got, Jon?

Jon: I tell ya I call this guy WINston because all this guy does is WIN. I watched his tape from the twenty fourteen season and he overcame a ton of adversity.


‘Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed,

When not to be receives reproach of being,

And the just pleasure lost which is so deemed

Not by our feeling but by others’ seeing.

Mel: Okay, at least one of you is right and agrees with me. Next up: Mariota. Flashy, system QB. Not sure it'll translate. Jon?

Jon: Chip Kelly knows how to win. When these guys were at Oregon all they did was pile up yards and victories. I like this guy in Phiadelphia to help his old coach. Bill?


If you have writ your annals true, 'tis there,

That, like an eagle in a dove-cote, I

Flutter'd your Volscians in Corioli:

Alone I did it. Boy!

Mel: Bill, we know Amari Cooper is projected to go to Jacksonville, but what do you think of the rumors of the franchise moving to London and how will that affect their draft today?


For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition;

And gentlemen in England now-a-bed

Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap

Mel: Harsh but fair. Let's talk defense. Top picks: Leonard Williams? Dante Fowler? Who ya got?

Jon: I tell ya this guy Vic Beasley; I love this guy. All this guy does is rush the quarterback. Who's your favorite, Bill?


And Caesar's spirit, raging for revenge,

With Ate by his side come hot from hell,

Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice

Cry "Havoc!" and let slip the dogs of war

Mel: Alright. Big fan of Danny Shelton and Marcus Peters of the Washington Huskies. Interesting choices.

Jon: Those Huskies boy, that Chris Peterson I tell ya he knows how to recruit in the Pacific. North. West.


I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is

southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.

Mel: So you think someone from the AFC South's gonna trade up with Seattle? Interesting. Jon?

Jon: Boy Mel last time I was in Seattle, I tell ya I paid sixteen dollars for two cups of coffee it was outrageous.


Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What

should I say to him? I was then frugal of my

mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I'll exhibit a bill

in the parliament for the putting down of men. How

shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be,

as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

Jon: That's what I told the guy! Bill knows what I'm talkin' about. I tell ya we should open up a coffee shop for NFL fans. Call it "CUPPA REGULAR JOE'S" whaddya think?


I have profess'd me thy friend, and I confess me knit to thy

deserving with cables of perdurable toughness. I could never better

stead thee than now. Put money in thy purse; follow thou the

wars; defeat thy favor with an usurp'd beard. I say put money in

thy purse. It cannot be long that Desdemona should continue her

love to the Moor—put money in thy purse—nor he his to her.

Mel: Okay I think that just about does it for now. Check back with us at the bottom of the hour for more--

Jon: Yeah! And we could make the cups have like a pebbled texture like a football and---


Rebellion in this land shall lose his sway, Meeting the cheque of such another day: And since this business so fair is done, Let us not leave till all our own be won.