It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. That's because Christmas is tomorrow. Bowl season has now reached BOWLCON 3 status, and this is no longer a drill. You will likely be forced to choose between a bowl and spending time with loved ones over the next few days, so it's only fair that the bowls get a chance to state their case (as if they needed one).
Christmas Eve and Boxing Day
|Bahamas Bowl: Middle Tennessee vs. Western Michigan||11:00 am||ESPN / WatchESPN|
|Hawaii Bowl : Cincinnati vs. San Diego State||7:00 pm||ESPN / WatchESPN|
|St. Petersburg Bowl : Marshall vs. UConn||10:00 am||ESPN / WatchESPN|
|Sun Bowl : Miami vs. Washington State||1:00 pm||CBS / CBS Video|
|Heart of Dallas Bowl: Southern Miss vs. Washington||1:20 pm||ESPN / WatchESPN|
|Pinstripe Bowl : Duke vs. Indiana||2:30 pm||ABC / espn3|
|Independence Bowl : Tulsa vs. Virginia Tech||4:45 pm||ESPN / WatchESPN|
|San Francisco Bowl : Nebraska vs. UCLA||8:15 pm||ESPN / WatchESPN|
Let's unwrap these presents a bit early. Having two bowl games on Christmas Eve that take place in tropical paradises is a masterful tease by the cruel college football gods. For those of us here in Texas, it's not that it's cold or dreary or anything, it's just that if it's gonna be 80 degrees in December it would be a lot nicer if there were a pristine beach around to sit on. Y'all have a great Christmas and Boxing Day, enjoy the games, and we'll see you back to kick of next week when we get into the meat of the bowls that feature P5 teams.
Popeyes Bahamas Bowl
by Shooter Flatch
Well if you need to kill some time and relax before Christmas watch this game and maybe also watch Cocktail because its a pretty good movie even though its not set in the Bahamas.
St. Petersburg Bowl
Miami vs. Washington State
Dec. 26th | 1:00 PM | CBS
Only about 7% of the bowls at this point in history are not aired on ESPN, so the Sun is always a special treat because we get to see Verne and Gary exposed to harsh mountain sunlight for several hours. They will doggedly maintain their longstanding charade of not being vampires by cackling awkwardly at inopportune moments and pretending to know about things west of I-35. Gary will ultimately be broken by Mike Leach's offense midway through the second quarter and the remainder of the broadcast will just be rosy Verne soliloquies and random Danielson stock quotes fed in from the studio.
Miami fans will feel right at home in El Paso as it is the only other U.S. city where bricks of Schedule I narcotics are available at any corner store. And Mike Leach has maintained a sweat lodge in the foothills of the Franklin Mountains where he meets with his attorney Monte P. Flagman to discuss various civil cases against rabid Texas Tech boosters. Weather is also a push: Washington State will face a new hurdle called "sunlight" while Miami will struggle to play in an atmosphere with less than 80% humidity.
This game juxtaposes a Ferrari being driven by a series of ADD-riddled salesmen with basic coordination problems against a survivalist mechanic who has coaxed his 1987 Tercell into a street racing phenomenon that can somehow keep up with anything. Mike Leach descends from his foggy mountain and returns to West Texas to leave an indelible mark on the college football landscape and give Mark Richt some early coaching points for next year.
Heart of Dallas Bowl
by Shooter Flatch
- The Heart of Dallas is a statue in downtown Dallas that is actually a replica of Jerry Jones liver. It is made of lava rock, measures 10 feet across, and features a waterfall of Johnny Walker Black cascading over it.
- Previous Heart of Dallas bowl teams include North Texas, Purdue, Illinois, UNLV, and Alabama.
- This bowl game is sponsored by Zaxby's, which is an online retailer of sleep apnea masks and bedpans.
- Player gift bags include a leased 2004 BMW, unlimited appetizers at Chili's, and the two little red Monopoly hotels from Park Place and Broadway.
- This game has produced MVP's that include former Heisman trophy winners Taylor Potts, Clint Chelf, and Jason White.
- This bowl game took the place of the Cotton Bowl once it moved to JerryWorld in 2011 after the Colorado mascot, Ralphie the Buffalo, contracted the "Booty Flu" in 2010.
- The two honorary captains for this game are Brett Favre and Kelly from Plano, a twice divorced cougar that reeks of gin. (Spoiler Alert: Kelly already received a dick pic from #4.)
- Tradition dictates that the losing team is forced to spend the remainder of the holiday season in Houston.
NEW ERA PINSTRIPE BOWL
CAMPING WORLD INDEPENDENCE BOWL
by Lucas Jackson
FOSTER FARMS BOWL
BYU: Listen Nebraska, it's been a rough few years. My wives are beginning to complain that there aren't enough steaks in the freezer. Could you be a friend and just let us squeak by? We can do it on a Hail Mary so it at least looks like an act of god, if that makes you feel better.