Welcome to another AGGIE FOOTBALL OCTOBER. Where the football is flat and the takes will singe the class right off your dainty forearms should you type too close to the vortex of the Aggie Internet. Every Monday we clamber back up on this horse to see what fresh depravity awaits us, because we are eager and willing participants in this rodeo called college football. Let's go around the West.
Time waits for no one, and he won't wait for me
Saturday will be remembered as the day that BERT and GUS bent the cosmos to their wills and achieved their perfect stylistic synergy by combining high scoring with plodding, methodical output via the loophole of a four-overtime game. The experiment worked for a desperate Arkansas team as the Hogs scored more points in overtime than they did in the full 60-minute game. Someone had to win this game; we're just lucky it was done in style. 54-46 Hogs
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?
Alabama continued to find new and horrifying ways to crush the soul of Tennessee football. After taking a one-point lead late in the game, the Tide proceeded to pulverize with a dash of Derrick Henry for the go-ahead score and then garnished it with a mammoth sack and fumble recovery as the Vols were desperately attempting to march down the field. And yet somehow, in some small corner of that cacophony, love found a way. 19-14 Tide.
Oh yeah, you're a strange stray cat
Oh yeah, don't you scratch like that
Western Kentucky put up a good fight. They're better than the traditional [directional][state] teams that make up most sacrificial cupcakes at the SEC altar. But LSU was playing at night at home, something the SEC never lets them do apparently if you read the internet, and found a bit of a passing game to complement Leonard Fournette. ESPN's shining moment came when former Boise State and Colorado coach/film room guru Dan Hawkins went nuts on the telestrator. LSU 48-20.
No colors anymore, I want them to turn black
Mississippi State had a Special Uniform Night against Kentucky, because why not? The Bulldogs put on their all-blacks and proceeded to methodically take care of business and cruelly hurt the feelings of another SEC East team. This game was only 14-10 until Mississippi State scored two touchdowns in the last two minutes of the first half and never looked back. Dak was of course responsible for all six of their TDs. Hey the good news is they're ranked now and we beat them and moral victory and uuuugggghhhh