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A position has come open.

Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

Natatorium Technician III

An anonymous pool owner in College Station, Texas is seeking the services of a professional Natatorium Technician. College Station is hot most of the time. Couple that with the aforementioned owner’s professional, metaphorical "hot seat" and a pool provides some much needed coolness and respite. The owner is often away from the pool helicoptering around and accumulating notches in his belt on college campuses in the southeastern portion of the United States. Despite the owner’s absence, his family will often be present to enjoy the pool.

The owner is seeking a discreet and responsible Natatorium Technician to keep things tidy and ward off Gators and bayou riffraff.

Posting Details

Position Information

Position Title Natatorium Technician III
Posting Title Natatorium Technician III
System Member Institution/Agency TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY (TAMU)
Posting Number GBH4LYFE
Salary Commensurate, depending on discretion, availability, and experience
Pay Basis Hourly
Job Close Date National Signing Day
Geographic Location College Station
Budget Type On Notice - Part-Time
Is this position restricted by the Patriot Act? Yes
Is this position D.O.T. regulated? SURE, WHY NOT

Position Summary Information

Job Summary

Responsible for the day-to-day maintenance of a 38,000-gallon in-ground facility and all associated pumps, filters, and fixtures, as well as other miscellaneous duties.

Required Education and Experience


1.     Expert knowledge of the pool cleaning industry.

2.     Asexual (preferred).

3.     ASCA Level 1 Certified Coach (preferred).

4.     3 years competitive pool skimming experience (preferred).

5.     Energetic, patient and takes simple instructions.

6.     Demonstrated strong interpersonal and communication skills.

7.     Lifeguard, CPR, First Aid and Safety for Swim Coach certifications or ability to obtain.

Preferred Education and Experience

No TAMU Athletics/Football experience.

Preferred Special Knowledge, Abilities, and Skills Discretion required. References will be thoroughly vetted. Applicant will surrender all electronic devices upon entering property. Wifi access will be denied and telephone usage limited to pool upkeep requirements only on an monitored landline. Ideal applicant will not be a fan of American sports, in particular collegiate football and/or the Southeastern Conference.
Additional Responsibilities

1.     Skim the pool for debris in a pleasant, non-rippling manner.

2.     Provide non-football banter ONLY when spoken to.

3.     Adjust pool temperature accordingly to owner’s hot seat situation.

4.     Turn a blind eye to behavior that might be deemed "risqué".

5.     Perform weekly maintenance.

6.     Apply suntan oil to Aggie Hostesses only at their request.

7.     Make sure special guests (recruits) get the nice, fluffy towels.

Other Factors to Consider Security protocol violations will result in immediate termination and public online humiliation.

Interested applicants should apply at Beutel Student Health Center for a required comprehensive screening.