Additional Kyle Field Concessions: Nacho Menu

The Internet was treated to an appealing appetizer yesterday as the first list of items from the new Kyle Field Concessions menu was rolled out. As usual, GBH has gone undercover, this time into the restricted test kitchens in the bowels of the stadium, to obtain the second wave of delicious gameday menu treats which is made up entirely of nachos.

• NachoSalad: 14lbs of chips, chili, nacho cheese, and jalapeños served in a salad bowl. One handful of shredded lettuce on top, garnished with sprig of cilantro.
• Nachos-on-a-Stick: 6" diameter log of stone-ground cornmeal wrapped around a 16" skewer and fired in a brick kiln until crisp, served with a piping pastry bag full of spicy hot nacho cheddar sauce
• Nachos QB Sack: deep-fried bull testicles smothered in fiery Sriracha sauce and served on a bed of iceberg lettuce on top of a bed of crispy guacamole-corn tortilla strips. Served with commemorative spatula.
• Wrecking Bleu Nacho-Cristo Sandwich: three hand-breaded Buffalo chicken patties that will serve as buns for a triple-decker array of delicious jalapenos, monterey jack cheese, tomatoes, celery, and fried pickles, wrapped in a nacho cheese beer batter and fried, then served with a 5-oz dipping container of creamy bleu cheese dressing
• Nacho HAMburger Lite: A 2-lb. patty cooked Medium Rare and covered in Sharp Cheddar, Pepper Jack and piping hot nacho cheese. Topped with chopped brisket, applewood smoked bacon and fuck it some guacamole. Served on two giant biscuits.
• Franks-y-Nachos: a bed of crispy tortilla chips covered in sliced ballpark frankfurters and smothered in spicy hot nacho cheddar sauce. Comes with extra 1-liter bag of spicy hot nacho cheddar sauce.
• NACHOBATH: 5 Gallon Gatorade tub filled with nacho cheese cheddar sauce. Available with 2:00 left in a blowout.
• Ihenachos Supreme: trill pickles deep-fried in Rocket Fuel. DAMN!
• Nachcicles: delicious frozen nacho cheddar sauce served on a stick and a side cup of pickled jalapeno brine for dipping.
• Nachos McQueen: ginger-glazed hand-cut potato wedges smothered in wasabi-swiss cream cheese sauce and topped with bacon bits and garnished with celery and crispy carrot straws
• Qualen's Cunning Ham Nachos: blue-corn tortilla chips smothered in sauteed onions and havarti-chipotle sauce, diced smoked country ham, and topped with a fried quail's egg. Served with actual silverware
• Franchos: Little Debbie Snack Cakes cut into strips, battered in spicy cheddar nacho beer sauce, fried in peanut oil, and topped with pickled lemon rinds and disappointment. 4 nachos served in GIANT COMMEMORATIVE BUCKET covered in inspirational phrases.
• YESSIRloin Nachos: Rare, grade A USDA beef sliced on top of flour tortilla strips, covered in jack cheese, jalepenos and serrano peppers.  Impossible to say no to.
• Gazpachos: Iced tomato soup drizzled in feta and mozzarella cheese, served in tortilla bowl.
• Camachos: Order of crispy beef tacos, smashed to pieces and covered in cheese. Not available in press box.
• Shermanachos: 1/2 order
• Uncovered Nachos: a bunch of plain chips being assholes sitting next to a pile of melted cheese and ground beef.
• Howard's Nachos: (we forgot to take them out of the broiler...sorry)
• Speedy Nachos: tortilla chips