Nick Saban accuses the sun of ‘buying’ recent hot summer days

The sun has been at the center of our solar system for more than 4.6 billion years, and while it’s always produced it’s fair share of sweltering summer days, the sudden uptick in 2022 is seemingly unprecedented. June was one of the hottest months in Texas history, and this past Sunday saw areas across the state post their highest July temperature ever. Some are projecting that this may end up being the hottest summer on record in The Lone Star State. In fact the Sun has been on such a roll in recruiting 100-degree days, that is has some wondering if name, image and likeness is to blame. Chief among them is Alabama Crimson Tide Head Coach Nick Saban.

“Name, image and likeness, to me, is a great concept for hot summer days....there’s nothing wrong with that,” said Saban at a recent National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) booster meeting. “The issue and the problem with name, image and likeness is stars trying to create an advantage for themselves...I mean the Sun bought every 100-degree day this summer, made a deal for name, image and likeness. And I don’t know if we’re gonna be able to sustain this in the future, because more and more stars are doing it. I mean, it’s 110+ degrees out there and we’re only a few weeks away from fall practice. Is this really what we want the Stefan-Boltzmann Law to be?”

Saban’s comments obviously dismiss the fact that the sun has been reeling in hot summers for billions of years, so having an uptick year, especially with the effects of global warming, shouldn’t be all that surprising. The accusation also seems to shortchange the millenniums of hard work done by the sun’s staff in securing commitments in this year’s heat wave. But losing clearly does not sit well with Saban, even if it’s to a hot ball of hydrogen and helium 864,000 miles in diameter.

Expect The Sun to call a press conference to be called shortly to vehemently deny these allegations.