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THE TAILGATE: A Graphical Preview of Texas A&M vs. Mississippi State

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I honestly think I have the flu, so this is going to be short. We’re a fanbase who likes to sing about how rough and tough we are. How we really never give up the proverbial fight (real and/or old), and if we lose, it’s only because time ran out in the game. Time didn’t run out on the fight, because we’ll fight forever.

We’re tough like the asshole of an aged bull rider, which I can only assume is righteously callused to the point where one could strike a post-shit match directly at the source. Much like that specific asshole, We’ve Never Been Licked (but if we tried it we might like it, and that’s what REALLY scares us).

I told you I didn’t feel well and you decided to keep reading. That’s YOUR choice, not mine. Just remember I love you all and I get one semi-preachy post-loss Tailgate per year.

I’m not innocent here as my default mode is “football Karen after 10 mimosas,” but get tough after a loss, y’all. The team will be, and they’re showing up to kick some ass this Saturday. Most seasons aren’t perfect and sometimes you lose to an Arkansas team that is substantially improved. Sometimes key players get injured. We can actually beat the sips in the near future, stop trying to hang our hats on the non-existent transitive property of football. It doesn’t exist. You can only win the games you play.*

I’ve been told the universe requires balance, and I really want to believe that. Bama gets to win a lot of football games because those people have to live in Alabama. That doesn’t explain why Mississippi State can’t ever win shit. Mike Leach is coming, cowbells are stupid, and THAT shade of maroon looks horrid on everyone. Stupid assholes. Starkville sucks.**

I’m going to bed.***

Aggie 31
Clanga 17

*The 2012 National Championship would have clearly been won by the Aggies if the playoff existed and everyone knows it.
**I have never been to Starkville and every State fan I’ve met is nice as hell.
***Your mom says hi :))) jklol

Runnin’ the Dang Bawl - Folks, I’m just going to leave this segment in here all dang year. Sometimes, we run the ball and it’s amazing, but then we stop running the ball and suddenly things are the opposite of amazing. If only there were a way out of this purgatory.

Will Rogers - The gunslinger, not the cowboy actor. Rogers is a more than capable steward of Mike Leach’s offense, so Mike Elko will need to engage in some form of santeria in order to ensure plenty of blitzes get home.

Here’s to Logging Off Occasionally - Every year, large swaths of us as a fanbase manage to convince ourselves that this is the year we’re perfect. Then when we lose that first game, there’s some absurd mixed feelings of betrayal, rage, and helplessness. Folks, nobody involved in this sport can predict anything. The wild nature of it is what makes it unique. Just kick back and Enjoy. The. Ride. Football’s supposed to be the fun part of life.

  • If your goal is to stop sucking then why did you hire a Leach?
  • I don’t mean to Spiller offensive strategy, but I think our lack of passing success will trigger Achane reaction.
  • Calzada has been getting Appelt-ed with pass rushers because he doesn’t have a Blocker, and as a result was Duncan the ball off to running backs all day long. Unless the defender gets Heldenfels down, I don’t know Zachry how to fix it.
  • As Aggie defenders map out which running back to tackle, Jo’quavious Marks the spot.
  • It’s fitting that Mississippi State is located in Starkville, because just like Tony Stark, their football program has been gone for more than two years now.

Scattershooting while wondering whatever happened to Rockey Felker…

  • As someone that attended A&M during the early-to-mid 90’s, I’m just glad a whole new generation of students are getting to experience living and dying with an amazing lockdown defense, and an offense that prefers to fart, fumble, and fall down. There’s nothing better than pouring yourself a giant styrofoam cup of Jim Beam and convincing yourself that if the defense can get a pick six we might have a shot at winning this game!
  • You’re telling me we can find a few extra millskies in the couch cushions for Jimbo but we can’t find a way to buy out that JerryWorld contract and get that game back on campus?!?!
  • We are through the first quarter of the season and I honestly have no good feel for the SEC West. Try to predict an order of finish right now between those 7 teams. Even Beauty Queen Bama has a few flaws. Should make for some fun and funky Saturday’s ahead.
  • Just your annual reminder that cowbells are the TRUCK NUTZ of college football.
  • Aggies 20 - CLANGA 16 wager wisely my friends.

Each week we are proud to bring you a concession review by a dignitary associated with one of the schools involved in the game.

Blu Fin Sushi Fusion

by Jerry Clower

HOOO now. Came into College Station on Highway 21 and crossed that ole brown Brazos River and I said to myself ”Jerry, you gotta getcha some fried fish for supper.” Pulled off into an Exxon station and asked the old boy workin there where I could get a good fish basket.

“You mean like seafood?” he said.

“Well sure, I guess so.” He tole me bout this place called Blue Fin Sushi Fusion, so I went on up there.

Set down at a table and first thing I notice is the smell. OOOOOOOie, friends and neighbors. It reminded me of cousin Clovis’ minnow farm he’s got goin in his garage. I kep expectin to see algae drippin down the walls to go with all the raw fish.

Well I come all that way to eat in a fancy restaurant, so I made up my mind to stick it out. First thang I notice was a conspicuous absence of hush puppies on the menu. How can you have seafood without hush puppies? I asked the waitress about it and she said she’d never heard of a hush puppy before.

HHRRRGGLLLHHHRR!!!

Friends, I couldn’t decide if I was truly out of my element or if somebody was playin an elaborate joke. So I explained to her the nature of the hush puppy. That’s when she taught me about what the Japanese call “tempura.”

I tell ya all one thing: Ol’ Jer ain’t gonna be shy about orderin’ vegetables no more, not as long as they come with that tempura stuff all over ‘em.