Jarred head of Jimbo Fisher agrees to 600-year, $2 trillion contract extension with Texas A&M

Just hours after news broke of Jimbo Fisher agreeing to a new 10-year contract extension that would increase his Texas A&M salary to $9 million per season, it seems the Board of Regents has opted for an even bolder step, with news leaking Wednesday morning that the school has actually agreed to terms on a groundbreaking 600-year, $2 trillion dollar deal with Jimbo Fisher’s head, which will be preserved for eternity in a jar filled with a proprietary liquid developed at one of Texas A&M’s many leading research facilities.

“When we signed Coach Fisher to a 10-year deal in 2017, I said I wished it could have been 15, so to agree to a deal 40 times longer than that is an absolute victory in our eyes,” said Texas A&M System Chancellor John Sharp. “In the three short years with Jimbo Fisher our football program has seen tremendous progress, and we are more than thrilled that this brilliant mind will be leading our team for the next six centuries.”

With this deal, Texas A&M has pre-emptively outbid any future suitors who might try to lure Jimbo away, as he now makes more money per year than the combined lifetime salaries of every football coach who has ever lived. He also moves into the top 10 among GDP of all countries on Earth, moving ahead of Canada and Brazil, but falling just short of Italy.

While many initially scoffed at the astronomical salary, economists project that with the ever-increasing salaries of college football coaches, combined with inflation, this contact will look like an absolute steal by the time Jimbo’s head is entering the last year of his deal in 2620.

If Fisher’s head maintains his current average win total at Texas A&M of 8.667, he is projected to pass John Gagliardi as college football’s winningest coach some time in the 2064 season.