clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

A month of quarantine hair, illustrated by Texas A&M football player headshots

New, 1 comment

Almost one month ago, Texas Governor Greg Abbott issued a statewide order that all non-essential businesses must close. While we acknowledge the necessity of this measure, it unfortunately included barbershops and salons. Haircuts are now long since overdue, and as such, we are seeing more and more shaggy Aggies as the weeks wear on. For posterity’s sake, we have documented the progression of this phenomenon, with the help of Texas A&M football player headshots to illustrate.

Editor’s Note: This is not meant in any way to demean the hairstyles of these college players. They’re all exceptionally attractive men who have impeccable style and, simply put, they look amazing. We’re just using the length of their hair to prove a point.

April 1-3

Bobby Brown (DL), Elijah Blades (CB), Demarvin Leal (DL)

These days seem so long ago now. When you could feel the prickles as you ran your hand along the side of your freshly groomed head. No stubble, no hair creeping down the back of your neck. The way it was meant to be.

April 4-6

Braden White (LB), Jhamon Ausbon (WR), Ryan Renick (TE)

This is probably about the time you would get a haircut under better circumstances. Perhaps slightly longer than you intended, but still perfectly manageable. You can still style it the same way, and really nobody but you notices that your hair is any different than it normally is.

April 7-9

Cagan Baldree (FB), Dylan Taylor (WR), Jalen Preston (WR)

As your will to shave wains, the stubble begins to appear. You tell yourself that it actually looks good, that you should maybe keep it this way. But we all know it’s just the laziness talking.

April 10-12

Dan Moore (OL), Jacob Groff (TE), Blake Trainor (OL)

The stubble has given way to an actual beard, and you’ve got the makings of a very unintentional SEC swoop. These are the faces of men who are starting to look up hair clippers on Amazon.

April 13-15

Glen Beal (TE), R.J.Orebo (DL), Erick Young (S)

The beard is getting fuller, and your hair is now unacceptably long. Will this ever end? Do you shave your head now, or try to wait it out? The conflicting voices in your head won’t stop bugging you, and neither will the hair that has crept over your ears.

April 16-18

Tyree Johnson (DL), Carson Green (OL), Chris Russell (LB)

Having accepted your fate, you let it all hang out again. At this point you’re probably never going to see another human being ever again, so why bother? Jared Leto had long hair and a beard, and the ladies still loved him. Why not you?

April 19-21

Camron Buckley (WR), Colten Blanton (OL), Anthony Hines (LB)

OK so it turns out you aren’t Jared Leto. That beard was awful and it had to go. The good news: you can recognize your own face in the mirror again. The bad news: you feel like you look 14. The long hair is not helping matters.

April 22-24

Baylor Cupp (TE), Jayden Peevy (DL), Kenyon Green (OL)

Your hair has reached a point that you have no idea what to do with it. You’re sure other people in the world have hair this length and can style it well, but you can’t. It does some new, more horrible thing every time you wake up in the morning.

April 25-27

Bladen Reaves (RB), Jeremiah Martin (DL), Reinard Britz (QB)

Captain’s Log, Stardate 2020: We’ve reached the point of hair-related insanity that we are now monologing as if we are in an episode of Star Trek. We aren’t sure why. Conditioner rations are running shockingly low, and morale is even lower. The scissors stare at me from the bathroom drawer. I know I shouldn’t, but I don’t know how much longer I can resist.

April 28-30

Connor Blumrick (QB), Braedon Kobza (OL), Luke Matthews (OL)

Well, we are experimenting with man buns. It’s a drastic measure but a needed one at this juncture. Oh and the beard is back, and you know what? I’m rocking it. I think I’ve gotten past the worst of this, and I actually like this look. In fact, even after this is all over, I’m gonna keep this style. Keep that hair long and let it flow, I look fantastic!

The day the barbershops open:

Jerry Schmidt, Strength & Conditioning Coach