In what many believe to be the biggest transfer shakeup news the Texas A&M Football program has seen since 2015, beloved veteran mascot Ol’ Sarge has formally begun the transfer process. Although it may not come as a total surprise considering that he’s long been relegated to a backup role far from the spotlight, it’s nonetheless disappointing to lose such a key figure from the lore of yesterday.
“I don’t see any problem, wish him all the best you know,” said Coach Jimbo Fisher when asked if he anticipated any snags in the transfer paperwork. “Olsarge been here a long time, knows the program real well, we just don’t feature bulky and misshapen live caricature mascots that tend to frighten children in our system, nothin’ personal. He’ll land on his garishly-booted feet wherever he ends up.”
Not all are as understanding and respectful of Ol’ Sarge’s decision. “It’s a shame nowadays how all these snowflakes want instant fame,” said anonymous internet poster NameHometownClassyearAggie when asked about the mascot, who was recruited by Jackie Sherrill and has not seen any time on the field since the Reagan Administration.
While he has not explicitly stated his top choice of destinations, it’s widely assumed that Ol’ Sarge will select an institution within his comfort zone: a unique university with extremely self-serious fans who cling to the success their football program sustained during the Cold War.
As of press time, there have been multiple reports of Ol’ Sarge being fitted for leprechaun tights and boarding a flight for South Bend, Indiana.