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THE TAILGATE: A Graphical Preview of Texas A&M vs Auburn

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[SEC ON CBS TUNE INTENSIFYING]....Folks, let’s TAILGATE


Love Is In The Air

HOWDY GANG. I want y'all to do something. Tomorrow morning when you step outside, just take a minute. You feel that? It's not cool yet, so calm down. No, it's just the initial reprieve: the absence of that bone-baking heat we've been stewing in for the past four-five months. It's football weather.

Saturday in College Station won't even hit 90 degrees. There's gonna be rain around, dousing everything with temporary respite and some nice breezes. Suddenly your shirt won't stick to you five seconds into your journey across campus in search of your tailgate of choice. The grasses will smell sweeter, the trees will be shadier. You can breathe comfortably.

Now, the scientists will tell us that Autumn officially begins next Monday. But I dare any of us reading this to bask in Saturday's atmosphere: a September afternoon, CBS coming to town with Brad and Gary in the booth, a ranked Aggie team hosting a top-ten SEC West opponent...take all of that in and tell me it's not Fall in College Station.

It's here, and it's going to be a good one.

Aggies - 27

Auburn - 24


CAST OF CHARACTERS


#12THMEME

Like all the best memes, this week's happened organically: I was inspired by a friend of mine and said I'd use Goldblum, but didn't realize until I'd started just how well Gus and Jeff work together. Here's the inaugural Gusblum memeage you'll need for your Auburn-A&M week.


WHAT TO WATCH FOR

WE HAVE A MEAT SCHOOL, TOO

"Sure, I'd like to beat Notre Dame, don't get me wrong. But nothing matters more than beating that cow college on the other side of the state." - Bear Bryant

The Ags owe it to The Bear to kick some cow ass. Well we have good news because some good Ag has designed an AR simulation of how to handle cattle, based off of the Unreal Engine 4 system. That explains why all week Jimbo has been telling Mond that interceptions screw up his KDR, and why he's been pegging players with a tight spiral as they come off the bench and yelling "SPAWN CAMPER!"

HOME OF THE OCEAN'S 12TH MAN

Last week a ne'er-do-well absconded with Johnny Football's togs right out of the Hall of Champions. That's early-season stuff. Now that SEC play is starting, time to put together a heist to boost all of the greatest Aggie paraphernalia of all time. Look for a team to boost Crow's Heisman trophy, a lock of Drew Kaser's hair, and the saber that Corps dude was brandishing when a male cheerleader knocked his ass over. Finally, I will be able to say that I am at least literally able to carry Dat Nguyen's jock strap.

COME IN RANKED, GO HOME

A 59 point victory was good enough to drop the Aggies in the polls this week. Should the good guys beat the Tigers this weekend, look for us to fall from the rankings completely. If we beat Alabama this year we're being sent down to FCS.


ELSEWHERE IN THE SEC

#7 NOTRE DAME @ #3 GEORGIA

Saturdays were made for prime-time, top ten, pageantry-laden wrench fights like this. Prepare your whiskey or bourbon as you see fit, then sit back and root against all of the people you hated in high school.


ROI'd RAGE

You think we're impressed with that game against Lamar, Jimbo? Hell, my dog shits 59 points on Lamar and he's got IBS. This meter's pegged to the AP, and as long as the one is a-droppin' then so is t'other one.


PLACE YOUR BETS


BEST CASE / BESTER CASE

BEST CASE

The Aggies establish a run game and play solid defense and win by 14.

BESTER CASE

The Aggies establish a run game and play solid defense and win by 14. SEC Officials make countless egregious calls in Texas A&M's favor and Aggie Twitter never complains about refs again.