Daily Bull 8.8.19: The Funniest SEC Non-Conference Games of 2020

MORNING, ALL. Hope we’re having a peaceful and quiet Thursday and can ease into another quiet, relaxing weekend, of which we only have two remaining before college football kicks off. Or at least we hope your coffee is good. Taking a break from the podcasts today, so you’re stuck with Camacho and the old analog DB. Sorry! You can always go back and access your fave listens by perusing any of the below links (thanks potential sponsor cuppycup):

ALL MAROON, ALL THE DANG TIME.

That’s right, it’s official: Maroon Out is now the entire season long. This is most definitely all about the school sprit and not at all an effort to increase t-shirt sales. No, but in all seriousness the proceeds go towards such Aggie events as Fish Fest and Pull Out Day, so if you’re into that, gear up for some exciting new t-shirt designs. Bonus points if you rip the sleeves off to display those chiseled biceps.

FORESIGHT 2020

The full slate of next year’s SEC schedules dropped yesterday, so there’s a whole nother thing to get riled up about when we haven’t even started 2019 play yet. We have saved you some time and clicks by compiling each team’s funniest game here:

ALABAMA: USC at JerryWorld (9/5/20). Good Lord. Can we stop pretending this is some kind of interstellar world-class matchup? USC couldn’t even beat Texas last year. USC’s offense is like Alabama’s offense, only without the personnel, coaching, or adaptability. The only thing more boring than this game is this game being played in a giant car dealership in the metroplex suburbs.

ARKANSAS: Notre Dame (9/12/20). AHH BOY, THE HOLTZ BOWL. Hope Chad Morris has taught his guys how to cover a punt by then, it’s not as if the Irish need miracle help per se, but it’s nice to know it’s always available.

AUBURN: UMASS (11/14/20). The first ever college football team to lose five games before October versus the SEC’s most confusing and inconsistent powerhouse. If this one is supposed to be a blowout, it will be close. If Auburn is terrible, they’ll blow UMass out. Those are our options.

FLORIDA: Eastern Washington (9/5/20).
“Hey, let’s get some FCS team from way out west in for the first game.”
“Yeah, sounds good. How about uh...’Eastern Washington’, that sounds obscure enough.”
“I like it!”
{schedules game, then does 10 minutes of cursory research and discovers EWU has knocked off two PAC-12 teams in the last few years.}

“Shit.”

GEORGIA: vs. Virginia (in Atlanta, 9/7/20). Avoid the ATL this weekend unless you want to be plagued by roving bands of fighting golf and lacrosse gangs, armored in extra fleece pullovers and fueled by innumerable spiked seltzers. This one might get downright unruly: someone at the game just might shout and untuck their shirt.

KENTUCKY: Eastern Illinois (10/7/20). No, no, no, Kentucky. You’re supposed to schedule your FCS opponent either the first two weeks of September or sometime in November. It’s in the SEC bylaws. You’re already playing Kent State and Eastern Michigan, why not just join the MAC so you can get your football out of the way on Tuesdays and focus on basketball?

LSU: vs. Rice (in Houston, 9/19/20). Lordy. What do LSU fans love almost as much as tailgating for 2 days and marinating themselves in utter debauchery before a lively night game? Doing the exact same thing a few hours away in their biggest alumni base outside the state, with all the trappings of a world-class city at their disposal. LOOKS LIKE THE STUFF IN THE GUMBO WON’T BE THE ONLY RICE GETTING TORCHED AMIRITE

OLE MISS: vs. Baylor (in Houston, 9/5/20). Sensing a trend here. These SECW teams sure do like playing in someone’s back yard when they’re not looking. You know it’s a conundrum when Hugh Freeze’s castoffs hold the high moral ground in this matchup, but here we are. Black Bears >>>> Waco Bears

MISSISSIPPI STATE: vs. Alabama A&M (11/21/20). GO DAWGS, WE BEAT ALABAMA AND A&M AT THE SAME TIME {CLANGAGAGAGAGCLANGAGAGCLANGA}

MISSOURI: at BYU (10/10/20). Don’t see the Tigers venture out west a whole lot anymore. Will need a Tom Rinaldi feature on Mizzou fans trying to find ways to blow off steam in Utah please, ESPN.

SOUTH CAROLINA: vs. Clemson (11/28/20). Option A: Clemson blowout, as they pull all starters in the second half and coast into the ACC title game. Option B: Clemson struggles and gives South Carolina false hope before Muschamp ultimately implodes. Yes, this will be funny in one way or another.

TENNESSEE: at Oklahoma (9/12/20). Hoooooo boy.

TEXAS A&M: vs. Colorado (9/19/20). This is the NicoDerm CQ Patch of playing Texas.

VANDERBILT: at Kansas State (9/19/20). Over/Under opens at 19.5.