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The 2019 Fisher-Herman Exchange

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What were the two head coaches chatting about last weekend?

NCAA Football: Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl-Houston vs Florida State Jason Getz-USA TODAY Sports

A fine Wednesday morning to all! No daily podcast today so you’re stuck with analog me. Not a lot hitting the calendar these days other than the usual blowhard, self-defeating echo chamber nonsense (read: HURR DURR WE DON’T NEED TO PLAY ‘EM) so we’re gonna slip outside the confines of football here and engage in some light forensic analysis.

If you didn’t see this over the weekend, all of the FBS coaches in Texas gathered for a Q&A at the Texas High School Coaches Association convention this weekend. And guess who sat next to each other!

Let’s begin by saying that both gentlemen appear quite dapper in their comprehensive tans and Miami Vice cosplay uniforms. And although the audio is too muddled to pick up on what they’re saying, we’re engaging our special Playback Limiter Advancer Yearning for Intimate Thoughts (PLAYIT) algorithm in order to truss out the three most likely conversations that occurred in this brief and unscripted moment:

SCENARIO 1: STRATEGY

Jimbo: Have you ever seen such a wanton display of empty and pampering idolatry? Why...if they would spend just a fraction of the time they waste on 7-on-7 camps and these absurd faux tech panel conventions and use that abundant energy on fundamentals such as form tackling, wrapping up, and the like, we might actually be able to recruit some elite linebackers here in the second-most populous state in the nation.

Tom: James, you are preaching to the proverbial choir, my man. The only thing more comical in Texas than this bizarre charade we’re continually roped into, languishing awkwardly in our ill-fitting suits, is the state of Texas high school football defense. I’d never let anyone in Austin in on this, naturally.

Jimbo: Goes without saying. Hey, did you try those little chicken kabob things....?

SCENARIO 2: LITERARY REVIEW

Jimbo: I hear what you’re saying, Tom. I simply do not agree. McCarthy’s main focus in the middle passages of Blood Meridian goes much deeper than the surface of any of the characters. It’s about the savage and constant beauty of the land serving as a backdrop for the worst depredations imaginable to be carried out by the tormented souls of broken men.

Tom: I get that, Jimbo. I really do. I just think that it’s possible he was also trying to remind us that perhaps men are at their worst when thrown into an infinite space without limits. That only when all the structures of a society are stripped away will we be able to discern the evil from the good. It comes down to each man’s choice.

Jimbo: Agree to disagree, I suppose. Although I do take your point, and I will need to ruminate upon it a bit further. Talk again next month?

SCENARIO 3: HISTORY LESSON

Jimbo: How’s it feel to be back in Houston, ol’ boy?

Tom: Feels rather good. Reminds me fondly of that time my Cougars played your Seminoles in the 2015 Peach Bowl. Your team threw four interceptions and lost to a Group of Five school for the first time under your leadership. Ah, memories.

Jimbo: I have no recollection of such an event.