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Fatted Calf: Fightin’ Texas Angus Coach Jimbo Meats Expectations With $80k Livestock Junket

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NCAA Football: TaxSlayer Gator Bowl-Texas A&M vs North Carolina State Adam Hagy-USA TODAY Sports

BIG MOO’D!

Amateur meat purchase analyst and A1 drool-inducer Clay Travis found this juicy medallion yesterday:

HOLY COW!

That was like ringing the virtual dinner bell for hordes of slavering, malnourished contentvores nationwide.

BRANDED!

This tasty extravagance is right in line with the Texas New Money aura that emanates from New Kyle Field. Texas A&M will no doubt milk this cash cow by offering you the honor of dropping $500 on a raffle for a single burger (thunderous buns completely optional) made from this unwitting heifer, so hoof it over to your local Coaches’ Night! It’s a lot more affordable than spending a year’s salary on your own livestock sight-unseen. Gig ‘Em and pass the ketchup!