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{A rainy Thursday in May. A weary blog staff trudges mechanically back down into the dark depths of the content mines. It is dark. There is little ventilation. The veins are nearly tapped out. But there—at the edge of the tunnel: a slight glint from the precious scrap of content ore breaks the inky blackness. The team gingerly extracts it and carries it lovingly to the surface...}
First order of business: there is no such thing as a “SERIOUS” hypothetical. Hypotheticals are fantasy by nature, so anyone trying to express to you that theirs is “SERIOUS” is either dicking with you or has no imagination.
Hypotheticals are meant to be explored and picked clean, just like the content mines. If we’re going to do a hypothetical here, it’s going to have a payoff and a price.
Imagine this: it’s a tight game against Alabama. The Aggies trail 13-10 at halftime. It’s been a brutal slugfest. The Aggies dropped a tough one on the road against Clemson and still reside comfortably in the top twenty, but their lone touchdown this evening came on a controversial rub route after the Tide inexplicably turned the ball over inside their own 20.
The crowd is still fired up and believing at halftime. What could stoke that fire even more? The Fightin’ Texas Aggie Band, that’s what. Just then they break from the sideline partitions wearing colonial garb, right down to the powdered wigs and frock coats, and reel off three snappy renditions from the Hamilton soundtrack. They swirl and loop in distinctly non-geometrical shapes, coattails flaring in the wind, with batons flying thirty, forty feet in the air in perfect synchrony. The crowd takes it all in amid a stunned silence before erupting into a roar of approval.
The Aggies dominate the second half and knock off Saban & Co. 45-20 and vault into the top ten just in time for Playoffs discussion, then proceed to roll through the rest of the conference slate, leaving a trail of beaten teams and memorably snazzy Broadway numbers in their wake. Gig’ Em.