Good morning, all! It’s gameday and we are sliding in under the wire here, but if you’re digesting any of the other courses on the menu this fine Friday, here’s what we’ve got to look forward to this afternoon and evening (besides the TB of course):
Military Bowl | North Carolina vs. Temple | 11 a.m. | ESPN
Mack Brown is currently coaching in a tracksuit against against a team from Philly in Washington, DC to honor the troops. If you’re not into this, we can’t help you.
Pinstripe Bowl | Michigan State vs. Wake Forest | 2:20 p.m. | ESPN
Welcome to infinite sadness. If you take pleasure in the notion of watching the most anemic offense in modern college football taking on a team that managed the rare feat of losing by two scores in overtime to a four-win squad in their season finale, all in a frigid baseball stadium that is home to one of the planet’s most obnoxious fanbases, well, Merry Fucking Christmas to you. 99% of the time when Internet blowhards tut-tut about “rawr too many bowl games” I am vehemently in opposition. This game is the 1%. New York is the largest city in America. Surely we can find a venue for a college football game that isn’t guarded by hordes of bros that look like a Beastie Boys road crew from 2003 and consider Axe Body Spray one of the major food groups. Mark Dantonio may actually attempt a bunt somehow. Demon Deacons by 20.
Holiday Bowl | Iowa vs USC | 7:00 pm | FS1
Lets be honest the vast majority of GBH readers will be tuned in to the second half of A&M stomping the shit out of Okie State when this game kicks. So I’m not really here to tell you why you should watch this game, although if you have a 2nd TV around, absolutely keep it locked in to an underrated game such as this.
No, we are here to discuss the greatest band out of San Diego, home of the Holiday Bowl, THE STONE TEMPLE PILOTS! Now, for all of you born before 1980, I need not convince you of how incredible this band was to come on the scene in 1992. Glam rock was dead. A grunge scene was slapping everyone in the face. Hard rock was flourishing. STP was a mix of the best of both. The album Core struck that perfect nerve in my brain. Lets just let the first track speak for itself..
Fuck. Yes. It was obvious these guys weren’t here to fuck around. Raw. That hits you right in the chest. In a good way. Like a shot of Wild Turkey on a Saturday morning in October tailgating outside of Kyle Field.
These seasons seem to pass by way too fast. February to August is eternal. September to January is a blink of the eye.
Whatever the outcome of the Aggie game, flip over to the end of the Holiday Bowl, pull up STP “Core” and just let it play beginning to end. We’ve made it through another season of Aggie football, time to just enjoy some great fucking music and snack on the last remaining bits of the CFB season.
CHEEZ-IT BOWL | AIR FORCE VS. WASHINGTON STATE | FRIDAY 9:15 PM | ESPN
[gathers children around the hearth]
”As tradition dictates, let us gather around and tell the tale of the very first Cheez-It Bowl. It was the year of our Lord (Lord Cheddar, of course) Two Thousand and Eighteen. The Horn-ed Toads of Fort Worth University were engaged in battle with eleven Bears of solid gold from the mythical land of Californya. The Toads completed just 8 of their 21 passes for approximately 4 feet per pass average. Yet they fought valiantly on, throwing foolhardy pass after foolhardy pass, exchanging ill-fated haymakers until the wee hours of the evening. At the end of the day there were 9 turnovers, and did you know that none of those was a fumble? Why, they even benched their kicker and had the backup attempt and fail the game-winning kick as regulation expired. All seemed lost for our heroes until common sense prevailed and they allowed the kicker who had earned the starting role to kick a field goal in overtime to win the game. It’s hard to imagine such a high scoring game today, but they prevailed by a final score of ten points to seven, and the bears were cleaned and devoured on site as we still do today.
Now run along to bed children, before Fangore the Golden Bearwolf captures you in the night!”
[chuckles at the innocence of youth as they cry genuine tears of terror]