Welcome back to the Fan Misery Ladder, where sometimes you’re the Hoosier and sometimes you’re the Hoosiee.
The SEC is the greatest conference in college football, excelling at all things including, but not limited to, CFP championships, AP rankings, ABV, bagman networks, and abject despair. Like getting pulled over for doing angel dust on a riding lawnmower on I-95, the SEC captures the dizzying highs and spiraling lows of the fan experience in one fell swoop. Now there’s one more accomplishment to hang in the hallowed halls of Birmingham: the SEC is the first conference this year to put two teams in the Ninth Tier.
This is as good a time as any to take a look at how general conference misery has progressed through the season:
- The total entropy of the universe is always increasing.
- The Big XII is the least miserable and spent the longest time at a net decrease in misery.
- You could use the SEC’s trajectory to lay chalk lines to frame a house.
Let’s take a look at the big board:
MISERY OF NOTE
WHO’S THE REAL WINNER WELL IT’S YOUSIERS The FML has never been about measuring which teams are better at football. If you still don’t understand, ask yourself if you believe your team is better than Indiana. Now look them both up on the Ladder. Congratulations, your heart just dropped another level.
SO LONG TO THE ORANGE AND THE BLUE The unwavering 12th Man has finally moved from the Third Tier, because nothing gets the Aggies fired up quite like beating t.u.s.a.
PIGGIES DID IT I was all excited to congratulate Colorado for doing Colorado things and completing the season’s first non-B1G 5 game losing streak, then I realized that Arkansas already did it because of course if you think you’ve innovated in the world of fuckery this season you will find out that Arkansas got there first and is eating a sandwich they found on top of a trash can.
- If Tennessee manages to squeak by Kentucky this weekend they will land a three game win streak and (temporarily) reach escape velocity from the Ninth Tier, because Kentucky just can’t do anything right.
- Syracuse has received a stay of execution from the governor. They will not be completing their five game losing streak to hit the Ninth Tier by cleverly scheduling a bye week. Death comes for us all, Orange.
- Not so lucky for the Terps, who will need to stay within 3 TDs of Ohio State to avoid landing in the Ninth Tier next week. [to the TMNT theme song] welcome to the ninth tier, turtles
FML 19.9: Onward to Misery
FML 19.8: We Are The Aggies, The Aggies Are We
FML 19.7: Commodore Days and Scarlet Knights
FML 19.6: Shell Shock Jayhawk
FML 19.5: Ramblin’ Wrecks
FML 19.4: Not All Tears Are Blood
FML 19.3: This Means Something
FML 19.2: The Pac Delivers
FML 19.1: Rocky Bottom
FML 19.0: Preseason