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Fan Misery Ladder 19.13: Dead Inside

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the SEC has left their body

Mississippi v Texas A&M Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

Welcome back to the Fan Misery Ladder, where we really didn’t appreciate Maryland in their own time.

It just means less emotion.

The SEC has gone catatonic. The haves established their residences in the First Tier weeks ago; the have-nots are more numerous than usual and have been fighting over the one scratchy blanket in the Ninth Tier. The rest have been trading blows with net entropy as each week lumbered by - until now.

The fans of the SEC have taken their lumps for as long as they can and now they have curled up into a ball on the floor, all comprehension or awareness gone from their eyes. The horrors of college football have caused them to leave their bodies. This week not a single SEC team moved on the FML at all*.

* You may notice that South Carolina dropped one tier since last week. That is a correction, as I missed that they missed bowl eligibility last week. Most of the country missed that, I imagine.

Let’s take a look at the big board.

If you are unfamiliar with the rules you can find them here and here.

MISERY OF NOTE

FUCKIN UP SOME SMAHT KIDS Welcome to the Ninth Tier to Duke and Stanford, who both actually already arrived before I tallied the fact that they missed bowl eligibility. This has to sting more for the Cardinal, who have the taste of recent mid-level success still in their mouths. As for the Blue Devils, well... hell yes it’s Duke football.

WE’RE TWO YEARS AWAY FROM GETTING A TRADER JOE’S It’s getting crowded in the bad neighborhoods and I’m starting to think housing prices in the ACC must be on the rise. 29% of the ACC is currently residing in the Ninth Tier. Yeah, it’s nice when the bottom tiers get some funky local coffee shops and a farm to table restaurant, but I’m worried that gentrification will increase property values and eventually drive out teams that have been there for years. Rutgers helped make this ladder what it is.

SORRY WHAT WAS THE QUESTION The bowl eligibility hits keep coming and are taking their toll. We now have 18 teams in the FML that have missed their shot at the Music Gator Bowl and whose fans will now get a few extra precious weeks of forgetting about their stupid team and how much time and money and blood pressure they’ve wasted rooting for this shit product on the field and how it’s always next year but never this year and jesus I even paid for recruiting info at one point what am I doing with my life holy shitbuckets I heard we’re gonna hire Greg Schiano fuck me

LOOKING AHEAD

it’s rivalry week

FML 19.12: This is Sparty
FML 19.11: Take Me Home
FML 19.10: S-E-C! S-E-C!
FML 19.9: Onward to Misery
FML 19.8: We Are The Aggies, The Aggies Are We
FML 19.7: Commodore Days and Scarlet Knights
FML 19.6: Shell Shock Jayhawk
FML 19.5: Ramblin’ Wrecks
FML 19.4: Not All Tears Are Blood
FML 19.3: This Means Something
FML 19.2: The Pac Delivers
FML 19.1: Rocky Bottom
FML 19.0: Preseason