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Fan Misery Ladder 19.9: Onward To Misery

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where do we even begin with this week

NCAA Football: Notre Dame at Michigan Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome to the Fan Misery Ladder, which has just submitted its resume to Texas Tech for the special teams coach position.

What. A. Week.

Outside of Streak Week, this was the most movement the FML has seen in 2019. Here’s some stats for you to absorb:

  • 31 total tier moves
  • 4 double-drops
  • 1 triple-drop
  • 5 ranked team upsets
  • 1 truly amazing blocked FG play

By dinner time on Saturday I was convinced I knew who the darlings of the FML were this week, but Hail to the Victors was I wrong. Early in the game Notre Dame blocked a punt for a Michigan first down, which is the best sentence I’ve gotten to write in the history of this metric.

The pouring rain must have been Crisco because the rest of the game was a montage of Irish players sliding ineffectually off of Wolverines. At one point a Michigan player blocked a Domer past the line of scrimmage, outside of the hashes, down the sideline, into the concession stands, and helped him into his car. They are still engaged in that block and are trying to find a two bedroom apartment in Ann Arbor. Congratulations Notre Dame, with a 31 point loss to a lower-ranked rival you are the triple-drop FML team of the week. But hey, you only have to deal with that disappointment for [checks notes] 14 years.

Let’s take a look at the big board.

If you are unfamiliar with the rules you can find them here and here.

MISERY OF NOTE

COME IN RANKED, GO HOME PROBABLY STILL RANKED BUT LOL The nation delighted in watching Gary Patterson dismantle what the very most reasonable Longhorn fans admitted in their heart of hearts was not the #15 team in the nation. I asked Sam Ehlinger to toss me a couple jokes about this game but they ended up in Fort Worth. Texas fans love company, so #5 Oklahoma got railroaded by the other unranked purple team in the Big XII. The entire conference should drop another level just knowing that Baylor is currently leading the Big XII.

LES MILES, MEET THE BIG XII. BIG XII, LES MILES. Speaking of Baylor leading the Big XII, Texas Tech got a taste of that particular Les Miles flavor of winning the dumbest games in the stupidest possible way. “Les Miles Wins Via Blocked FG That Is Fumbled And Recovered For A Game Winning FG” was a free square in SEC Bingo for a decade.

BOOOOOOOOOOOO PIG Arkansas fans were complaining (correctly) that the FML did not reflect their dire reality. Art is finally imitating life as the Hogs are hitting terminal velocity on their way down the Ladder. I guess thanks for the heads up that Tua’s backup will be torching us all soon enough.

HAVEN’T HIT ESCAPE VELOCITY It feels worth noting that both Rutgers and Tennessee won this weekend and neither moved up the Ladder. Rutgers got to watch their assumed head coach in waiting sleepwalk through Kyle Field this weekend. Meanwhile, even scoring 24 unanswered points against a South Carolina team that beat Georgia a couple weeks ago can’t polish the turd in Neyland. The FML is a harsh mistress.

LOOKING AHEAD

  • There are four low-level rivalry games coming up next week, an amuse bouche before rivalry week hits later this season. After this week Kansas/KSU has to be on everyone’s menu.
  • South Carolina, Mississippi State, and Pitt have opportunities to send Vandy, Arkansas, and Georgia Tech respectively to the Ninth Tier - unfortunately 21 point margins are hard to come by for all three teams.
  • Ole Miss is looking to get their third loss in a row from Auburn, so look for the double-drop IYKWIM.

FML 19.8: We Are The Aggies, The Aggies Are We

FML 19.7: Commodore Days and Scarlet Knights

FML 19.6: Shell Shock Jayhawk

FML 19.5: Ramblin’ Wrecks

FML 19.4: Not All Tears Are Blood

FML 19.3: This Means Something

FML 19.2: The Pac Delivers

FML 19.1: Rocky Bottom

FML 19.0: Preseason