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What’re we watching in the dark hours of the nights?

NCAA Football: Rice at Texas-San Antonio John Gutierrez-USA TODAY Sports

Hi, friends. You’re 27th-favorite feature on this website is back again for another season. Here’s what a few of us are gonna scope out this weekend:


Colorado @ Colorado State | Friday 8/31, 8:30 PM | CBSSN

Ordinarily it would be a no-brainer for me to take a Rams team that’s been to 3 consecutive bowls over a Buffaloes squad that has seen one bowl in the last decade. Then Hawaii committed a violent football crime in Denver last weekend (Felony Hit and Run and Shoot) and suddenly those plucky little trust fund hippies in Boulder have a puncher’s chance.

For this adventure I recommend a cocktail I have devised based on the summer whitewater rafting difficulty scale. Work your way down the scale adding ingredients until you reach a drink difficulty commensurate with your experience level. Be safe, always use the buddy system, and keep your hand on the end of the paddle, folks.


FAU @ OU | Saturday 9/1, 11:00 AM | FOX

{Wakes up Saturday morning, grabs remote and hits the GUIDE button}

”This weekend, on a very special episode of Fantasy Island, Coach Joey Freshwater flies to Norman, Oklahoma to fulfill all of his wildest dreams and fantasies. Upon arrival, Coach Freshwater is greeted by his host for the weekend, Mr. Switzer and his trusty sidekick, Kyler.”

© Moviestore/Rex Shutterstock

{Remembers there’s college football this weekend}

You want a great start to your stress free opening weekend? How about Lane Kiffin taking his team that rattled off 10 straight wins to end the season into OU for a pre-lunch kickoff. This is one of only two matchups this weekend that feature two conference champions facing off on opening weekend. (Bonus points awarded if you know the other.) Now I’m not going to suggest there’s real potential here for a monster upset, but Kiffin *might* sneak in and surprise the home crowd early. I could be proven wrong, but I’m not so sure Kyler Murray can step in and generate the same type of offense as Baker Mayfield. While I think OU gets the win, it miiiight be a little closer than the experts think.


UTSA @ Arizona State | The Late Shift | FS1

Let’s get a bit weird. You’ve just enjoyed some pseudo-interesting Auburn vs. Washington and a wholesome Alabama destruction of Louisville. These are perfectly fine and safe products to consume. Now it’s time to embrace the inky darkness of the late night PAC-12 world. Frank Wilson and Herm Edwards are both college football coaches in the same way Beethoven and Kenny Chesney are both technically “musicians.” Each of them made a living at it, but one of them has a talent that the other could never comprehend. The Roadrunners winning this one may not even be considered an upset by season’s end.

UTSA is replacing a three-year starter and folk legend at QB (Dalton Sturm) and a legitimate first-round NFL edge rusher in Marcus Davenport so there will be a bit of a learning curve until they find their new rhythm for 2018. However, they will more than likely play sound, smart, and tough football. Any edge the Sun Devils might have will hinge on sheer athletic superiority and whatever ingrained football creativity hasn’t been leached out of the team by monotonous NFL tedium yet. The Runners almost knocked ASU off two years ago in the Alamodome and beat Baylor on the road last season. Do not expect them to be intimidated, but do expect weird shit to go down. This could be a 16-15 game or something like that. Be sure to flip over to Navy/Hawaii or BYU/Zona during commercials for the full experience. Sweet dreams.