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Let’s rename Austin

If Austin is changing its name, we have some ideas.


Austin is our state’s capital, and despite the fact that it looks more and more like so many other sprawling suburban metro areas with each passing year, we have to admit it has a lot going for it: tons of outdoor activities, an ideal location, a great music scene, fantastic food. I hear there’s even a pretty decent school there (St. Edwards). That name though...

A recent city study on confederate monuments put forth the idea of re-naming Austin itself, due to its namesake’s views on slavery. And regardless of where you fall on that issue, there is one important question: What would this new city be called?

South Lawrence, Texas


Austin may have been founded in 1839, but it got owned by Lawrence, Kansas in 2016.

We’re, Texas


Vince Young Steakhouse, Texas

It’s Jan. 4, 2006 somewhere.

Weird, Texas


Not the best name, we admit. But when there’s inevitably a grassroots effort to change the name back to Austin, somebody on the other side of the debate is gonna make a fortune with the renewed interest in “Keep Austin Weird” T-shirts.

Football, Texas


Let’s be honest, we all know the capital of Texas should’ve been named Football all along.

Matthew McConaughey’s Face, Texas

Alright, alright, alriiiiiiight!

......................Some, Texas

Got a better suggestion for a new name for Austin? Leave it in the comments.