Ahh, summer. Time of boredom and heat that ferments endless loops of inane speculation. Since we are not ones to go in for half-measures, and decided to take a deeper dive on the conference shuffle “what-if” submarine.
Looking back, did Texas A&M make a mistake going to the SWC? Wouldn’t they have been more competitive in the TIAA from 1915-1996?
Dondredge P. Shufflebourge, Photographer’s Assistant, Lubbock Daily Journal
“Well I think that’s difficult to define, eh? Having lived in Lubbock my entire life’s existence, with nary an opportunity to ride the rails on out of town, to take in a tree-spotted countryside or see the beautiful craggy hills I’ve heard tell of so often, it’s not really in my wherewithal to account for the wider happenings of this world. No sir, I remain content to live out my duration right here in the South Plains, faithfully chronicling the comings-and-goings of Lubbock Christian U, maybe pitching in with some type-settings on the week-ends.”
Ellis Gutterford Standington Wortherman, VI, Head Coach, Daniel Baker College, 1911-1919
“What? I don’t know about all that. I do remember once me and [former Texas A&M head coach Charley] Moran was out layin’ concrete on the construction of State Highway 83 out near Paint Rock one summer—coaches salaries not bein’ what they are now, we was only pullin’ in about six dollar a week, during the season only, not twenty-five year round like these fancy lads these days, but anyhoo—and boy it was HOT. Hot, hot, son. So we was shoulderin’ these 200-pound sacks of ‘crete and walkin’ ‘em out a few thousand yards in front of the rollers to mix and lay down on top of the gravel beds, and ol’ Moran turns to me and says—he says—’hey, Gut!’ (that’s what he called me, y’know), he says, ‘hey, Gut!’ and I says, ‘what’s up, Charley?’ and he says ‘say, what’s the differnce between a Longhorn football player and these here sacks o concrete?’ and I sort of chuckles and I says ‘I dunno, what’s that, Charley,’ and he says, ‘well, the Longhorn player got the decency to walk himself out on the surface and lay down afore he gets himself steamrolled!’ HO-HOOO, boy! I sure do miss ol’ Charley. Sorry, what was the dang question again?”
Corpulus M. Vandenheimer II, Wire-less Broadcaster
“Absolutely, see? Them Aggies never knew what-for. They thought the grand South-West would be the bee’s knees, see? They figured they’d just coast around and play the dewdropper, instead they got a rougher bargain than they knew of, see? I may not know my onions all too well, but I do know it’s better to play Lubbock Christian and Trinity every year than to face off against the likes of Texas U and old Arkansas. They quite missed the trolley on this one, see?”
Brayford Clayton Heldenfels, Jr., Texas A&M Regent 1899-1922
“Bullll-sheeeiiiit. Hellfire, you coulda put my Ags up against any confrence in the country at that time and we woulda stomped a mudhole in ‘em. This kinda second-guessin’ is just pansy-ass nonsense. Big Ten? Hell. They ain’t tough. Ivy League? Maybe a little tougher, but bring them trust fund babies down here for a September game when it’s a hundred and what-not in the damn shade and you got them curtains of humidity hangin’ in the air? Nuh-uh. Ferget it. This is just more useless wasted space in the damn news-papers when they could be talkin bout my awl wells that just come in outside Swinney Switch.”
Iverington Bottlesworth Mulchancey, Early Recruiting Analyst
“Sirs! This postulation is Un-Worthy! Better to debate the equally frivolous speculations such as ‘Will Mechanized Trams Revolutionize City Travel’ or ‘The Purgative Benefits of a Vegetable-Laden Diet.’ Forsooth! The obvious answer? Oh, without a doubt in my mind. The South-West Conference was the Way to Go. The Unbounded Opportunities provided by the Loose Conglomeration of Radio Networks increased program visibility to Potential Recruits by a magnitude of Ten-Fold at the very least. The Prestigious Honours of rubbing shoulders with Elites such as Rice and Southern Methodist, to say nothing of invading those Rich Recruiting Grounds each autumn in order to Snag some Fine Young Men to play Foot-Ball in the serene but otherwise Un-heralded Country Hamlet of College Station? In fact, the Effect was nothing short of Miraculous, truly.”