Daily Bull 7.31.18: The Economies of Jersey Triumphs

Mornin’, team. Let’s kiss July goodbye and wallow in these ludicrous moments a bit longer.

HELL YEAH PUT ANOTHER TITLE ON KYLE FIELD’S WALL

Folks, if you get excited over the revenue figures of how many replica football t-shirts with grown men’s names on them that other people purchase to wear, this will absolutely make your millennium! This truly is one of the high-water marks for the Texas A&M Football Program, and it is definitely the type of ammunition that you should throw in the face of Texas Longhorns fans because it is just more proof that the brand is stronger than ever now that we’ve left them don’t need them anymore don’t care etc. To refresh, here are the things that we really should celebrate, in order:

1) REVENUES (should it be from NFL jerseys, attendance, concessions, what have you)

2) ANTICS OF HIGH SCHOOL KIDS (recruiting is the lifeblood of life)

3) WHAT A MEDIA PERSON SAID OR DIDN’T SAY OR PERHAPS JUST THE WAY THEY SAID IT (typical Texas hype and/or finally someone is calling out Texas)
..........

9999999) actually playing a game, which would be pointless right now because we are winning at everything

“HEY COACH ANONYMOUS WHAT’S YOUR STANCE ON RUNNIN’ THE DAYNG BAWL?”

It’s everyone’s favorite time of year: when SEC coaches speak in deeply shadowed rooms with murky voices to share their innermost thoughts about opposing programs. Here are a couple gems from this year:

“It’s not talent; they’ve got dudes on that team,” the anonymous coach said. “Sometimes you just need to hear a different voice. Jimbo’s will be unlike anything they’ve heard in a while there. He’ll rattle some cages.”

DUDES. Since this obviously isn’t Steve Addazio, we’re going to have to use guesswork and triangulation to get a solid speculation on who this is. It could be Saban using his anonymity and the unlikely use of “dudes” to further mask his identity. It could be any number of the other new coaches whose idiosyncrasies are as-yet unknown to this blog. But more than likely it’s one of the triumvirate of ‘90s frat guy SEC coaches: Muschamp, Luke, or Smart.

“Jimbo can coach quarterbacks. Look at the NFL Draft if you don’t think so,” one coach said. “The question is, who is his next project? I like what (Nick) Starkel did last year. He was solid and safe for the most part. But do you want solid and safe, or something more? Can Jimbo get Kellen Mond ready to play?”

Shit, this guy is good. He could write paperback blurbs and those suckers would fly off the shelves. The suspense is killing me now. What happens next week? STAY TUNED TO ANONYMOUS SEC COACHES TO FIND OUT.