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Daily Bull 7.30.18: What to do when the AC breaks

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Step 1: panic

Google To Buy Smart Thermostat Maker Nest For 3.2 Billion Photo illustration by George Frey/Getty Images

Good morning, and August is nearly upon us. More on that when the time comes, but let’s hit some of the high notes, because this is surely the dumbest time of the offseason.

YES BUT WHAT IF

Not this shit again. HEY WHY DIDN’T SUMLIN PICK UP JARRETT STIDHAM WHEN HE HAD A CHANCE WHAT A DUMB LOSER COACH. Hypotheticals sometimes have their place. They can be entertaining. Here’s a hypothetical for you: remember that giant, institutional sexual abuse scandal that has imploded a once-hot football program and invoked the ire of the sports world, especially Aggies, who share proximity as well as a long rivalry? Well, imagine for a moment that an embattled Kevin Sumlin, just a year after losing TWO five-star QBs to transfer and a few months after the ESPN Outside the Lines story on Baylor, goes out and signs a player who, right or wrong, is surely tainted by his association with the program at the time. Do we think the more sanctimonious among this fanbase would embrace this decision, and praise a coach willing to give a kid a second shot for a year or two at the expense of signing a potential four-year player in Kellen Mond? Or would they use that opportunity to pile more bitter baggage onto the FIRE SUMLIN bandwagon? HINT: read any Aggie Twitter thread about Baylor or Kevin Sumlin for clues.

THIS IS SERIOUS PLEASE TREAT MY INDUSTRY WITH RESPECT

Good GOD, people. If this is what works your seersuckers into a twist, either get thicker skin or find a new hobby. Recruiting is not some sacred, centuries-old rite that must always pay homage to and honor the glorious unspoken rules of the “industry.” Recruiting is literally the dirtiest part of the wildest and most inconsistently governed major sport in the country. Oh, and perhaps there’s a reason the kid told a white lie (if he even did) about a flat tire: it’s because he didn’t want to invoke the torrent of backlash that an honest admission would. You see, perhaps when you foster an ecosystem where legions of anonymous fans feel that they’re free to tweet absolute garbage at these kids because of their decisions on where to attend college...perhaps that’s actually Everything Wrong With Recruiting. Just a thought.

~ ATTENTION STUDENTS ~

Some may see this as a challenge. It may just be an opportunity. Do you know what happens when the industrial A/C is cut in a large building in August in Texas? The upper floors are the first to suffer. A stuffy layer of oppressive stillness soon settles on the top level of the building and gradually seeps down. You may find respite in small pockets of cooler air in the nooks and crannies of the first floor: some remote corners here and there. But by about six p.m. the first day without air, the building begins to turn into a giant tagine, and you are the ingredients. The cooler hours of evening will fool you into a false sense of hope, but by ten on the second morning, you will be in for an agonizingly long day of slowly pickling in whatever juices you happened to bring in with you. It will be hell on earth. You know what else doesn’t have A/C? The decks of Kyle Field. Get yourselves game-ready for the conditions by studying all day Saturday and Sunday in this primordial human stew. Prove that you are actually ready for the challenges football season throws at you. Let this be your Junction, and thank you in advance for your sacrifice.