Predicting Which TV Show Theme Song Each Coach Will Use as Walk-up Music at SEC Media Days

Greetings, all. Next week is SEC MEDIA CRAZE and everyone’s quite eager to lose their shit over mindless soundbytes and robotic journo questions. So let’s not forget the things that truly matter, like which songs each coach should use as their walkup music as they take the stage. No, this does not really happen, but that does not mean that it shouldn’t.

Actual SEC Media Days info can be found here if you are looking for serious business.

Here they are, in the only order that truly matters (ranked by compensation):

Nick Saban, Alabama

The Americans

A grainy montage of Bama highlights flickers on screen behind him.

Jimbo Fisher, Texas A&M

Walker, Texas Ranger

He struts onstage wearing a duster and cowboy hat.

Dan Mullen, Florida

The Glades

Just goofy as hell.

Gus Malzahn, Auburn

Saved by the Bell

#BLESSED

Jeremy Pruitt, Tennessee

Quantum Leap

Oh boy.

Kirby Smart, Georgia

ALF

What will he get into next?

Mark Stoops, Kentucky

Two and a Half Men

Nobody watches this shitshow either.

Chad Morris, Arkansas

Dexter

Morning routines are important.

Ed Orgeron, LSU

In the Heat of the Night

Alan Autry’s Coach O’s shirt is slightly unbuttoned, lending him a sultry air.

Will Muschamp, South Carolina

Simon & Simon

Bonus points if he does a barrel roll.

Matt Luke, Ole Miss

Friends

No one told him life was gonna be this way.

Derek Mason, Vanderbilt

LOST

Season 4 was considered the worst there, too.

Joe Moorhead, Mississippi State

Better Call Saul

You can’t convince me he’s not in some sort of witness protection program.

Barry Odom, Missouri

The Wire

HERC!