Morning, businessfolks. It’s a Tuesday in June, which means today you will read the absolute worst shit that the college football Internet has to offer. Such is life. You may as well start here, where we’re delving deep into #BusinessClass and putting together a very detailed S.W.O.T. analysis in order to {airquotes} keep up with the Joneses.

For those of you blessed enough to have never been introduced to a S.W.O.T. analysis, it’s basically a meaningless exercise devised by consultants in order to justify their existence. What it does, in theory, is generate a list of things that a business or company (or football program!) needs to do in order to improve so that they can largely ignore it and then blame someone else when they fail.

We passed around a spreadsheet yesterday, and here is the helpful analysis that we have compiled for Texas A&M Football:

STRENGTHS

• not helping Texas (by not playing them)
• highest belt buckle to body mass ratio in SEC
• Texas, the state
• not referring to “Texas” by name
• fans usually correct on the Internet
• classiness
• Premium Bagman Network
• Reveille, the perfect canine specimen
• loyal fans
• #brand
• Alabama national championships for the SEC
• CEO count
• salaries or something
• people person

WEAKNESSES

• (none)

OPPORTUNITIES

• winning something notable, anything
• can build more hotels
• convert classrooms to hotels
• Ol’ Sarge biopic from TexAgs Studios
• every year can be next year
• Junction-themed hotel
• water store next to Junction hotel
• air-conditioned water store next to Junction-themed water store
• PAID PARKING
• hotels with discounted parking
• hotels with free* parking
• Manziel will eventually breed
• correcting people online
• underground hotels

THREATS

• playing Texas again and helping them
• referees have it out for A&M
• media bias
• people wrong online
• New Army
• bad Yelp reviews
• espionage
• Hwy 6 becomes a one-way road
• BBQ with cheese

*with annual convenience surcharge/donation