IT’S TIME! We have finally arrived at the greatest moment in the college football calendar: comparing things to shit that has nothing to do with anything. You’ve probably already been inundated with World Cup content, but now it’s trickling down into College Football.
And to Aggie Football. Which is so much more special than the rest of college football because we’re so business-oriented. We fucking love to talk about how many CEOs we’ve got. And it’s a good thing we’ve got a few, because we don’t have many actual football accolades from the recent past sitting around.
Anyway, here are some AGGIE FOOTBALL CEOs for your enjoyment.
TRAYVEON WILLIAMS = JACK MA.
Asia’s richest man knows how to make an entrance and show some moves.
Look who else knows how to make an entrance.
NICK STARKEL IS JUSTIN BIEBER
We suspect this may in fact be Fan Fiction, but we’ll go ahead and give Justin the benefit of the doubt. Surely he’s a CEO of some sort by now with all that amassed wealth and adoration. Very astute of Starkel to choose a role model from his own generation: the next wave of future CEOs.
JIMBO FISHER = GORDON GEKKO
Both men look damn dapper in a five-figure suit, slingin’ multimillion-dollar deals with the boys. Hoo yeah. Get on the horn, Gord, line me up a coupla O-lineman visits for this weekend, willya?
“You got it, Jimb.”
OTARO ALAKA = RALPH LAUREN
A keen eye for the shortfallings of his peers’ fashion sense was instrumental in winning the locker room over to the senior linebacker and team leader.
Top 5 worst dressed in the Locker Room— Otaro Alaka (@OtaroAlaka) September 28, 2017
1. Daylon Mack(Unanimous)
2. Keeath Magee(Unanimous)
3. John Clark
4. Roney Elam
5. Landis Durham
You know who else had very little trouble winning over a fashion-thirsty crowd?
Mr. Polo himself, that’s who. Keep winning, Otaro.
Who else we got? Which other CEO spirits can be embodied by this wonderful football team? Share with us.