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Previews - 2018 FIFA World Cup Russia Photo by Julian Finney/Getty Images

STICKING TO SPORTS: A bunch of guys in Russia are launching an event that will dominate the airwaves for a few weeks. Every single sporting blog in America has now published at least one World Cup piece. Since we are contractually and morally obligated to do so, or risk being flung to the fringes of relevance in the sportsosphere, here is our pitiful contribution this massive pile of content, and we will gently place this load upon the towering inferno, hoping that our contribution was not the last atom-weight that toppled the entire mountain of burning tires.


“Hey so you like football? only in Texas our football is something differnt we call yours soccer, OK? And it’s about the same, ’cept our scores are a bit higher. Usually.”

“You guys call that ’tackling’, what is this, the PAC-12?” [staccato snickering]

“Yeah, yeah, sliding’s very important. Specially for QBs. We prefer that you hang onto the ball, though.”

“Sure, I’m interested in a wingback. Little more versatile than a tight end.”

“Hey, you come play in the SEC, guarantee you the refs ain’t gonna call offsides NEAR as much, son.”

“These boys sure know how to get away with holdin’ real well.”

“Really like that footwork, son! [muttering under breath]Now let’s see if we can work on that arm control a little.”

“You like playin’ in bulky, corporatized stadiums in front of angry, hungover fans in the middle of the day? Boy, you’re gonna love the 11 a.m. SECNetwork kickoffs.”

“You want to complete 21/24 passes before you even cross midfield? That’s fine with us, we call that ball control. Fits right into my philosophy.”

“Come to Aggieland and be part of our family. No one else is nearly as good as findin’ so much to brag about without producing any results on the field.”