Austinite Richard Overton is the oldest man in America at almost 112.
The olde coot is a goddamn legend. He’s got the diet and sensibilities that would make the fussy, neurotic yuppie Austinites faint. Let us take a moment to pay homage to Richard Overton whose name literally translates to “penis that weighs more than 2,000 pounds.”
- War veteran
- Is older than the state of Oklahoma. No really, he is.
- Smokes 12 cigars per day - something called a Tampa Sweet Perfecto.
- Drives a Monte Carlo
- When asked his secret, he offers no preachy, pussy bullshit - “Just keep living - don’t die”
- Carries a loaded .38 special in case someone wants some
- Listens to the Isley Brothers because the Isley Brothers owwwwwwwwn
- Likes to talk shit
- Flirts with his caregivers and nurses
- Was 23 the last time A&M won a natty in football :(
Overton doesn’t do the typical Austin diet of kale enemas, poke bowls, acai bowls, quinoa binge/purges. Nah - none of that shit.
This is the Overton Diet:
- Multiple cups of coffee with lots of sweet processed sugar
- Cinnamon rolls
- Ice cream
- Peach cobbler
- Dr Pepper aka his “sweet juice”
- Whiskey and Coke
Science doesn’t lie, folks. Want to live forever? Hammer sweet processed carbs and sugars, gas whiskey and cokes, and burn down three packs of stogies named after Tampa each and every day.
God bless you, Richard. You’re one of the good ones. Here’s to a Texas Legend.