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The return of the Golf Prick

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The Masters - Preview Day 2 Photo by Harry How/Getty Images

The olde readers around GBH will recall that we trace our roots back to the site Barking Carnival. The Barking Carnival guys helped us launch Good Bull Hunting - a place for the oddball Aggies that love jackassery, irreverence, and laughing at oneself.

About a decade ago, the internet was a more pure place. Social media was still in its infancy, so discovering like minds and great content was a more organic journey. It was like finding a killer album in a record shop. Overall, it was a much more enjoyable experience. There were no #CONTENT factories and barely anyone had Twitter.

The sites that shaped me the most from about 2006-2010 were Deadspin, Everyday Should Be Saturday, Kissing Suzy Kolber, and Barking Carnival. In 2008 or so, Barking Carnival introduced the world to the Golf Prick. The caricature of the Golf Prick remains one of the most delightful internet things I’ve ever encountered.

I love the Golf Prick so much because I relate to him. Hell, some would say that I’m a Golf Prick. I’ve been a caddie for drunk asshole millionaires. I’ve gotten into a fistfight on a golf course. I’ve gone night putting. I can shoehorn a Caddyshack quote into literally any life circumstance. I’ve rolled a golf cart.

Each year during Masters week, I like to reflect and pay homage to the Golf Prick. Masters week is THE most important time of the year for the Golf Prick. We’ve studied their behaviors and personalities over the years, but I like to provide an annual refresher. Ladies and gentlemen... The Golf Prick...

Domains

Top Golf... LOOOOOOOOOOVE Top Golf

Kingwood/Plano/Frisco/Katy/Round Rock/Cinco Ranch/Cypress/Colleyville/yougettheidea

LAS COLINAS, TEXAS

Semi-private golf clubs

The WGC Dell Match Play | Houston Open | Byron Nelson | Colonial

Breastraunts

Corporate suites at sporting events

Lake houses

Chain bars

Interests

How much things cost

Friends’ wives

Name dropping

Where peoples’ dads got their money

Michelob

Divorce

Telling you about their double computer monitor setup for March Madness and the Masters

Waverunners

College football coaches getting fired

Having a loud, confident opinion of Bitcoin despite little understanding

Icing bros in 2018

Tony Romo, the announcer

Breaking down race relations in 2018 as they line up a putt

Talking about their bonus

Cart girls

Not reading books but knowing every word to Anchorman

Creative credit maneuvering to get out of financial snafus

Jordan Spieth on a near-sexual level

Career Paths

Commercial real estate

Insurance

Sales!

Ambulance-chasing lawyer stooge

Wardrobe

Masters gear a friend bought for them

White belt!

Oversized golf shirts to the office

Golf shirts with their company logo

Visors

Copper bracelet - for the healing properties!

Hear it from the Golf Pricks

From Barking Carnival:

Ted? Tedddddd in Global Accounts? GREAAAAAT GUY! BIG STICK! Owns a waverunner; his second wife Patti has a tremendous fake rack. Has a place out in Olde Thornewilde Heights. The low 600s. Backyard DOES NOT back to the preserve. He has a stepson from Patti’s first marriage, so fuck that. SHARP dresser. Padraig Harrington collection. Played with him at the retreat in Scottsdale - laid up down the back 9 when he got a stroke up on me after a bullshit break on the apron. Questionable downswing. Still, BIG STICK. Buttfucked a lady-boy accidentally in Mexico on a fraternity trip once. But GREAAAAT guy. Looooove Patti. Really like Patti. Stepkid is an arsonist or a Goth or some shit. So, like I said: fuck that. But Patti is a sweet girl and a really class lady. Takes Zoloft. Cries a lot. Would love to suck on those fake tits of hers. Natural blonde. But Ted...like I said - GREAAAAAT guyyyyy.”

More:

“Does your husband play?”

“Un-real”

“Dilly dilly!”

“What hole is Tiger on?”

“Tiger is SO back”

“Carson is a hacker. He was going for the sandy but had a fried egg that caused him to go Hitler. Ended up with a snowman. HA HA what an idiot”

Translated: Carson’s ball was buried in the sand trap. He took two shots in the bunker. He scored an 8 on the hole.

“Beer me”

“GET IN THE HOLE!”

“Saturdays are for the boys”

Share your fondest Golf Prick memories and experiences in the ‘mments.