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Daily Bull 4.26.18 - Let Jimbo pump your tires

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NCAA Football: Texas A&M-Jimbo Fisher Press Conference C. Morgan Engel-USA TODAY Sports

woooowee you boys wanna go shoot some gators maybe a pheasant or an ex-wife boy howdy y’all I just gotta say that College Station Texas is the finest place on earth and I’ve stayed at every Hyatt in Florida, OK? we’re gonna run the ball, play defense, and love Jesus, OK? Shit y’all Aggies are weird as hell but nicer than a set of bolt-ons on a God-fearing pageant princess. Listen can somebuddy gitme a freshen up on this Dewar’s and soda? I got into one last night at Miramont and need to knock some cobwebs loose - slept in the caddie’s quarters. Maybe texted a recruit or two... listen I been telling y’all that Texas A&M has the most untapped potential since the Alamo and Red Lobster. We’re gonna take this program to the NFL and maybe a skin club down on Westheimer if the mood strikes, OK? Y’all are the classiest fan base this side of Duck Dynasty and that’s what we’re doing we’re building Aggie Dynasty gig ‘em and Godbless.

This was a rough quote of what Jimbo Fisher said in a four second span.

The Touchdown Club of Houston - which is like the Freemasons except for perverts who DM 15 year old boys instead of perverts opposed to the metric system - had a gathering at the JW Marriott (Galleria!) yesterday afternoon.

Coach Jimbo spoke for 45 minutes and hot damn can this guy sell.

Let’s breakdown some of the event’s highlights courtesy of our buddy Brent Zwerneman at the Chronicle.

The former Florida State coach said he attended his first Aggie ring ceremony and saw how much receiving the ring meant to his players and their families – even with some family members crying.

He said he later pulled out an A&M helmet and told his players that when the helmet means as much to them as the ring, the Aggies will have a chance to be where they need to be in football.

Oh yeah that’s the shit. This guy knows how to tickle a fan base’s buying bone.

Fisher said he doesn’t do Twitter and its ilk because he prefers to build personal relationships with recruits along the way. He added, “I don’t need everybody to know what I think. It’s none of their business.”

COACH WE* ARE PAYING YOU 75 MILLSKIES WE DESERVE TO KNOW EVERY THOUGHT.

*Not literally you or me

Fisher, who is single, said his oldest son has joined him in College Station, and his youngest son will as soon as school lets out for the summer in Tallahassee, Fla. He said his family enjoys the agricultural surroundings of Texas A&M.

”Ball, hunting and fishing,” a smiling Fisher said of some of his family’s favorite activities. “That would be the definition of Texas, wouldn’t it?”

SINGLE DAD RULEZ!

You like the agricultural surroundings, Jimbo? What about the cosmopolitan nightlife and eclectic art scene?

I think Aggieland Outfitters sells a maroon camo (pink for the ladies) t-shirt that says “Ball, hunting, and fishing” with a Bible verse underneath.

On the hire of defensive coordinator Mike Elko from Notre Dame (and before that Wake Forest in the ACC against Florida State): “Whoever is the biggest pain in your rear end when you’re playing them, go hire him.”

What I’m hearing is Texas A&M Special Assistant Nick Saban.

Fisher said he tells players who claim they practice something until they got it right, “Did you practice until you couldn’t do it wrong?”

Have a good Thursday, gang. I leave you a stupid exchange between me and doofus.